I'm not a parent - and I don't play one on TV - but this subject gets even me a little anxious. I have nieces and nephews so I definitely do not envy parents with this whole birds and bees conversation.
And YES - there are people who do this stuff for a living and thrive on it. So I was really happy to talk to Amy Lang of Birds and Bees and Kids today. It's a very fun and funny conversation - and Amy brings some great tips to the table specific to the side hustle...so, no, we aren't talking about sex the whole time, LOL.
Talking to your kids about the birds & bees can be really uncomfortable.
- And most of us dread the idea of having “THE TALK”….….. but it doesn’t have to be this way!
- Our guest, Amy Lang had been a sex educator for over 16 years when she freaked out about talking to her son about her favorite topic!
-Once she recovered - and did a bunch of research - Amy started Birds & Bees & Kids to help parents learn how to have these important conversations.
-Sex advice guru Dan Savage says Amy is a “parent’s best-friend-with-benefits” when it comes to the birds and bees talks.
- She is also the host of JUST SAY THIS! An advice column-style podcast where she answers all kinds of questions from parents about the sex talks.
- Through her books, classes, and podcast Amy has helped 1000’s of parents around the world become their kids’ go-to birds and bees source.
Here’s the transcript of our interview - and make sure you look up Amy on all the social media platforms!
[00:00:00] Kris: today we're speaking with Amy Lang of birds and bees and kids. It's like lions and tigers and tigers and bears, but different! Thank you for joining us today. How are you?
[00:00:19] Amy: I'm great. Thank you. And yeah, it's a whole lot of animals, right?
[00:00:23] Kris: It is a lot of animals. And I guess the kid part too, I mean, I don't have children, so I can't relate, but I have nieces and nephews, so I can appreciate, let's talk a little bit about what is birds and bees and kids.
[00:00:35] Amy: , I'm happy to talk about that. So I am a sexuality educator and I'm also a parent educator and I.
[00:00:44] Amy: Parents and other adults, not children, um, with the sex socks. So I helped them figure out when and how to have the conversations, what they should look like, how to have open communication and basically how to help parents become their kids. Go to. I like to say sex spurts, but people tweak it, but get a little twitchy about that, but how to become their go-to person for the birds and bees information.
[00:01:08] Amy: And I only work with parents of kids who are 11 and under. I don't do teenagers. I mean, I can, I can like, but I focus on kids that are younger, like parents of kids in younger, like elementary age.
[00:01:21] Kris: Okay. So was this what you went to college to do or did this get inspired by a life event? I can imagine.
[00:01:29] Amy: Yeah.
[00:01:30] Amy: So I have a BA in women's studies when my parents were like, what are you going to do with a BA with a degree in women's studies? And I said, well, work at planned parenthood. Of course, what else, what else do you
[00:01:44] Kris: do? What else
[00:01:45] Amy: do you do? Um, so, um, so that sure. Sort of, but I also have a master's degree in applied behavioral science and my focus was in adult education and group facilities.
[00:01:57] Amy: So most of my colleagues are therapists and I'm not that kind of a person, frankly. So that was my educational background. Uh, but my, uh, what I did for fun was, uh, sex. Um, I did birth control and pregnancy counseling, abortion counseling, STI. HIV counseling for fun as volunteers when I was in college and I completely loved it.
[00:02:23] Amy: It was a huge part of my life around a program. It was something that I made time for, um, kind of no matter what. So it was my hobby of all weirdo hobbies. And so that's where the sexuality educator piece comes in. And so
[00:02:39] Kris: what, what prompted you then to start birds
[00:02:41] Amy: and. Well, I, , had been doing this sexual health education for years and years and years.
[00:02:48] Amy: And, , I think like I've over 16 years when I had our kid and, um, and I, well, he was actually five and Milo was getting ready for a bath and I thought he was gonna, he, he grabbed his penis and he's like, Hey mama, did you know. And I'm thinking, oh, please do not tell me it feels good to touch your penis because I have gotten nothing.
[00:03:12] Amy: And I was like, in my hand, I'm like, oh my God, what is wrong with you? Like what what's happening here? But I just really calmly. I just looked at him and I said, what? And he said, I can see the veins in there where the blood goes. And I said, excellent, whoa. Cause, and that was it for me. I was like, oh, This is great.
[00:03:35] Amy: Like I'm a long time sexuality educator, and I would rather talk to a 15 year old who's you know, about her pregnancy than my five-year-old about his penis. And so here I am having this sort of moment of shame and it was so I was really, honestly, I was really taken aback at how uncomfortable I was. So then being a good, you know, being a good mama, I thought, all right, you better get over yourself and like figure this out.
[00:04:02] Amy: And so I started doing. I started researching. When do you start talking to kids about sex? What should that look like? You know, how old should they be? What should the conversations be? And I, um, as I was doing that, I realized that I could probably help other parents because my master's program was in adult education education.
[00:04:22] Amy: Right. So I just had this moment and I didn't even know there was a field called parent educator. I had no idea. I was parent and I'd like, I'm going to start this thing. I'm going to teach parents. You know, supervise, there's a whole field of parent education. So that was my little like spark moments.
[00:04:40] Kris: Yeah.
[00:04:41] Kris: So what did your, what is your hubby thing of all this? When, when you said, you know what, I'm going to start a new business and this is what I'm going to do?
[00:04:49] Amy: Well, he was great. Cause he could see the through line. Um, and you know, I was working, what was I doing? I was, um, I was actually working at planned parenthood when this happened and I was part-time momming and.
[00:05:02] Amy: I don't think I was working there for about four days a week. And so my Ella was in daycare and I really, really liked it there cause I was doing the sex education stuff. Um, but when I had this idea, I ran it by Carrie and he's like, Okay, sounds good. And then just kind of like, okay, you do you do you, he was great about it.
[00:05:23] Amy: Right. And, and, and he was pretty quickly on board with it. But the interesting thing was the people around me, like our friends, I would say, I'm starting this company, I'm going to do this thing. And some of them were like, what? Why? Like, and even my brother was like, okay, but he's not, he wasn't a parent.
[00:05:40] Amy: And then parenting friends were like, okay, like what? And then. Full time passes and they're like, oh, okay.
[00:05:48] Kris: She's honest. I need your help.
[00:05:50] Amy: Right. Well she's yeah, I need your help. And she's onto something because as I started, um, you know, I was definitely side hustle because I was working, you know, I, I worked all along while I was getting my, you know, getting my thing going here and, um, as.
[00:06:06] Amy: I got better at it and got kind of a little local famous, then suddenly people are like, oh, Hey, like my friends are like, oh, okay. This is cool. What you're doing? I'm like, yeah. I told ya, right.
[00:06:18] Kris: This is a neat thing I've got going on. You said you were kind of local famous. So what did that look like? Was that like, oh, that's Amy Lang.
[00:06:26] Kris: She's the one that talks to the kids about. Talks to parents about sex. Yeah,
[00:06:30] Amy: totally. So that didn't mean that happened probably. I mean, I've been doing this for 16 years. I live in Seattle. So, you know, at the end of the day, it's not that huge of it community. I've been at this for a long time. So I'd be like at the grocery store and, and a woman would come up to me and say, hi, Amy, I saw you speak.
[00:06:48] Amy: It was really great. It was so helpful. And then the worst part is, they'd say, Hey. This is Amy tells me how to talk to you about sex. And I'm always like, gosh, I am sorry about your parents. Like, I don't want to know who you are kind of thing. And you know, and it's, it's super, it was horrible for my child, of course, to have people like, Hey, Amy Mang.
[00:07:12] Amy: And he'd be like, oh God, And run away. Um, but yeah, no, that's kind of like, it just built slowly and I was lucky enough to have a really supportive spouse and it, and, and then there was a point where. Um, so I had the idea when I was working at planned parenthood and things really started falling apart there and I needed to leave and Carrie was like, you need to quit just please quit.
[00:07:36] Amy: Wow. And then, and he said, start your thing. And so I started my thing, but then I worked temp jobs and, you know, until I could make enough money to not be so side sideline,
[00:07:48] Kris: What did that feel like for you? Um, was it, was it a matter of like, okay, as soon as I can replace my previous income, I'll make the break or as soon as I feel like I can make, you know, Reasonable living with birds and bees and kids I'll make the break.
[00:08:04] Kris: Like what, what was the impetus for finally making that decision? And, and when did you know, like, okay, it's
[00:08:08] Amy: definitely, um, I think that I got to a point where, and I know when Carrie's the primary breadwinner, so I want to be super clear about that, but I got the point where my birds and bees and kids' work was starting to take up more time than like I was like, okay, I can keep doing this temp job, but.
[00:08:29] Amy: If I keep doing the temp job, then I'm not going to be able to do the birds and bees and kids work. So I think it was a point there. And I want to say I was, I don't know, I was pretty far in, like, I'd say six, eight years, right? Well, I didn't, I was momming, right. I was, I was, so I was parenting at the same time, which is not a side hustle.
[00:08:53] Amy: I mean, it can be, I wanted it to be a side hustle, but just to be all in on that one. Yeah. It took a while before my income was like, okay, I'm contributing to our family income about as much as I was when I was working for, you know, for other folks. And, um, and then, yeah, so that's kind of where I ended up.
[00:09:11] Amy: And then as Milo got older, He's 20, he's almost 21. So I took more time for work and, and, you know, kind of did more and more and taught more and traveled a bunch and that kind of thing. So it just got bigger and bigger. So it's not a side, it's not a side hustle anymore.
[00:09:27] Kris: Well, any more, it's your thing. So in terms of what your business is comprised of, I'm thinking about this, cause you were talking about, um, You know, teaching and traveling.
[00:09:39] Kris: Is it, do you see yourself as more of a service provider or do you see yourself
[00:09:44] Amy: as more of a content creator course creator. Good question. Um, I'm more of a service provider. I'm a content creator too. Like I like to make things I'm currently working on my third book, which is all scripts for parents like that, or I'll just like, tell me what to say.
[00:10:02] Amy: Like tell me I'm like, here you go. Here's what. Gonna sound a little like me, but a my book, my words, you asked me, I like making new things. Like I like writing new talks and, and creating some content, but where I really like is teaching. Like I'm a teacher, I'm a, I'm a more of a service provider, I guess.
[00:10:22] Amy: Um, that's where I shine. That's where I had the most fun. I love to give advice. Just ask. Do you prefer to
[00:10:30] Kris: work one-on-one with individual couples like parents, or do you like to be brought to schools or organizations and talk on stage? What, what feels nicer
[00:10:41] Amy: for you being on stage is where I was, where I remember.
[00:10:44] Amy: I remember before. I can be in front of a group of people. And that's where I really shine. I love working with groups of people, especially with this topic, because they are all like in the same space of discomfort and they're together. And they're learning together about something that most people, most parents would, you know, want to run.
[00:11:06] Amy: Please, you know, sometimes they'll say to me, can I hire you to do this? And I'm like, yeah, what is it? $14,000 cash. And you and I get full free reign and they're like, nevermind. You're great. You're great. But also, um, so I, I like the one to many, um, makes more sense to me because then like, if I'm doing a PTA talk or, you know, for school or something like that, then they have a common experience and they might be more likely to talk with each other.
[00:11:34] Amy: Or if I've been at the school and someone says to their friend, yeah. Amy said this and the other person didn't go to that. Like one of my, um, one of my. Secret like background things I really want to work on, but I'm not allowed to, because I have other things I need to do is a, is a movement towards parent led sex ed, where like I'm pushing, I'm helping parents who are willing to be beacons of whites in their friend communities and be the ones that are kind of the, like the mini MES, right.
[00:12:04] Amy: Who can trust that person to help guide them through these conversations. So it's not just me, but so I like, like I said, I like to make things, but I'm not allowed to make that yet. Can I get to here?
[00:12:16] Kris: Well, can we break that down a little bit? Are you, are you telling you that you're not
[00:12:20] Amy: allowed to make it yet?
[00:12:21] Amy: Oh yeah, I am. Because I like to make things to the distraction of other things. So I have to get this book done. I want to launch it on Valentine's day. Got it. In the beginning of November. Somehow, I don't know how that happened. And so if I allow myself to go over there and run around and do that, I'm not to taking energy away of getting my book done.
[00:12:41] Amy: You know, I'm looking at like my revenue streams, I'm working with a really great business coach run one. Who's actually doing what I required a business coach, which is mostly bossing me around, um, and telling me what to do. Um, and so we're looking at my. Like what's my primary revenue stream. What's my secondary revenue stream.
[00:12:59] Amy: They're very much tied together. So when I do, I have an online solution center, which is like a DIY place to go, people can go, you know, get over themselves. Right. And so my speaking, I talk about the solution center. The solution center is where I make the most money. Right. I get money from the speaking.
[00:13:17] Amy: So it's a circular thing. So right now we're helping, we're looking at how I make that really tight.
[00:13:22] Kris: Okay. That's the book.
[00:13:24] Amy: So I can't do the thing I really want to do.
[00:13:29] Amy: Right.
[00:13:30] Kris: So, okay. So now this makes me think of when people start to see that their side hustle is growing and they're on a kind of a track where like, clearly this thing is working and this is the thing that's making me the most money and, or getting the most exposure. And you've even had validation of that because you're paying a coach to tell you.
[00:13:50] Kris: Here's the steps I want you to, to follow. But then in the back of your head, you have the new, the new program, the new thing that you want so much to be part of the mix. So for folks that are struggling with that, like how do you rationalize to yourself? This has to get done before I can go to the next thing.
[00:14:09] Kris: What, what, what reminds you that you have to stay the course so that you don't? Cause it's very easy for people like myself, especially get distracted because they see a new thing that either they really, really want to do or that somebody else is doing with great success. And they think, well, if they can do it, I can do it.
[00:14:25] Kris: You know what I'm saying?
[00:14:27] Amy: Oh yeah. I totally know what you're saying. So I am at the, um, I am was like that. Do the new thing, do the new thing that looks fun. I'm going to do that, going to do that. This is the thing. And I was doing that over and over again. Like I had my fingers in so many pots and it basically has made me scatterbrained and I'm not doing anything well, and second guessing, like kind of constantly guessing and you know, hope Springs eternal.
[00:14:55] Amy: Right. I know, you know this, right. Okay. This is going to be the thing. Right. And then it's not quite the thing. Didn't quite do it. Right. I think that how do I to do it over again? I would have really, really worked hard to stay in one or two lanes. And hung out there until it was a smooth running ship, whatever that looked like making enough money to do it in your sleep, you know, still having fun.
[00:15:24] Amy: Right. And then, um, really being thoughtful about like, with this parent was apparent led sex. Ed thing is a great example. Like what's the end game there right now? That's to entertain.
[00:15:39] Amy: Right. I can, I can make the whole thing. I could sit down in two days and make the whole thing. And then what, and then what, right. And then it's to the detriment of these other things. So a couple of things I have learned to do is that, um, like right now I'm really focused on these three things. So that's the first thing, and this is new to me.
[00:15:59] Amy: Like I have this post-it note right here that says important, not urgent. Right. That's all I'm supposed to do. It is telling me, but I am, I am really trying to stay like, is this important? Is it urgent? And I have to do the important and not urgent stuff first. So anyway, all that to say, if I have something I'm really hot to do, like this thing, I'll use it as a reward, so I'll get to go make it when I.
[00:16:27] Amy: Yeah, I love that. Right. Or sometimes it's so burning. I just get the bear, the, get it out of my system. I put it in a document. I bang it all out and then I park it and I'm not allowed to do it until I've like done these other things or something like that. But yeah, if I have this to do all over again, I would not have done the 8 million different things I have done.
[00:16:51] Amy: I would have done. Speaking an online course, a podcast. That's it. And then.
[00:17:00] Kris: Right.
[00:17:00] Amy: That would have been the last thing. Yeah. And books. Right. And then I went, oh, then I go, right. Oh, then I gotta be on social media and do that. Right. And then I got to have a newsletter and then, oh, right. I got to okay. And then it just ends up being this, being a suit.
[00:17:14] Amy: But if everything was only clutched around these one things, these troughs, so it's anyway, you know, I mean, it's, it's part of being super passionate. I think. Yeah.
[00:17:27] Kris: And I, I think that's sort of where that it's a driving force with us loving what we do and making it work, because if it wasn't fun, we wouldn't want to do it.
[00:17:36] Kris: So why start a business? That's not, doesn't feel fun and that doesn't make you want to create all the time. Right. I think if, cause if you're just going to do that, you may as well go drive an Uber car then, um, and then
[00:17:49] Amy: be a creator. Right, right. I mean, I think that's one of the things too, is like, I really try to learn about.
[00:17:55] Amy: Business, but I didn't know what I even then, I didn't know what I was doing. I mean, I have a, somewhere, I have like a 20 page business plan that I wrote or 10 page from when I went to the small businesses administration and got free help there. He made me write this. And I wrote it and wrote it and wrote it.
[00:18:17] Amy: And it's a lot of data and a lot of information, but then, you know, fast forward 15 minutes and it's like, oh, I needed a one sheet thing that looked like, right. So like these, like these mistakes I made and it's just hard. Right. Cause I want to make the things, I don't want to do the business right. The better now, way better, way better.
[00:18:34] Amy: Like I know what's going on. I see my blind spots. It doesn't mean anything to me about them. Have you
[00:18:40] Kris: pulled in a virtual assistant or anything like that? Is that something that feels feels good for you?
[00:18:45] Amy: Yeah, I have. The first thing I hired out was a bookkeeper because no. I should have no business, no business touching that.
[00:18:54] Amy: I'm always really, but I also, my, my book keeping is complicated because I have multiple streams of income and shit like that. I'm allowed to swear. Yes, sir. It's done. Got to
[00:19:05] Kris: put the E on it now. All right. Sorry.
[00:19:07] Amy: That's okay. I think that is an E word anyway. Um, so, um, So, yeah, I guess I don't like, how do you, why do you even do that?
[00:19:16] Amy: So like getting rid of the things you're bad at first. So that was the first thing I got rid of. I've had multiple virtual assistants over the years, um, and light assistance and they do, um, my backend stuff. Like they, I give them the copy for my newsletters and they make my newsletters, social media. Um, they helped me, um, Depending on who they are, they've helped me strategize, um, various and sundry things, workout systems, that kind of thing.
[00:19:42] Amy: And I'm extroverted. So I really like having somebody alongside, um, so that makes a big difference for me, but getting rid of that stuff that I'm not very good at. Um, or, and I don't have, I don't want to do it. I can do it. My. Right. But is that where it should be spending my time? Probably not. I should be figuring out like how to tell parents to talk to their kids about tampons.
[00:20:04] Amy: Right? Yeah. Um, so yeah, so I think that's one thing is, cause as soon as you can give it away, give it away because your time is better spent doing the, what you're sort of genius is. Yeah. Yeah. But you have to know what's going on in your business. Like you have to pay attention. And
[00:20:25] Kris: then you have a podcast
[00:20:27] Amy: now I do.
[00:20:29] Amy: And what's the name of your show? It's called, just say this. And it is parental guidance for the birds and bees talks. Um, I answer questions from parents. It's like a, it's a Q and a show, so they call and leave me a voicemail. And then. Play the question on air and I, and I answer it or on the show, and then I answer it.
[00:20:48] Amy: Yeah. It's potluck. So I do like, someone can call in and say, I think my 16 year old is having sex and I don't know what to do all the way down to, you know, I think I thought my five-year-old was going to tell me it, tell kids to touch his penis and all kinds of things in between. And it is absolutely it's.
[00:21:08] Amy: Absolutely. Lots of swearing. Um, I am, I am very much, I am the most me there that I am in this. Like, I don't have to, I don't filter. I don't care if you know, like it don't listen. Um, and I'm happy to be corrected if I do something, if I say something wrong, whatever. But, um, yeah, so, you know, I don't have, I have guests star.
[00:21:30] Amy: So I had Lisa huddled for the center for online safety. Come on. And she talked about, answered a couple of questions with me and talked about online safety.
[00:21:44] Amy: I am not interested in interview. I'm I'm probably gonna do some interviews at some point, but I, um, yeah, I love the Q and a, I love to give advice. I love Ann Landers and Amy Dickerson and oops. Yeah.
[00:21:57] Kris: Well, it sounds like the type of work that you do, it lends well to that kind of thing. So yeah. Why not just keep doing what works exactly.
[00:22:04] Kris: Exactly.
[00:22:05] Amy: Exactly. Okay.
[00:22:07] Kris: Well, Amy, this is fantastic. I am so it's so neat to hear about a unique business that, you know, I think a lot of people don't realize that you could make this a career and you've done it, and it sounds super successful and something that really feeds your soul. So where can people find you online if they want to catch up with your stuff and learn all of the amazing.
[00:22:29] Kris: Tips tricks and secrets
[00:22:31] to
[00:22:31] Kris: talking to parents and talking to their kids about that.
[00:22:36] Amy: But my website is birds and bees and kids.com and I'm on Instagram, birds, bees, kids, and Facebook, birds, bees kids. So poke around in there and then podcast, you're listening to a podcast, right? Cast podcast, class guests, just say this, um, is, is the other place to find.