Ewww....gross!
or - "Please, God, let me have those two hours back!"
There's one thing to watch a bad movie...it's another thing to watch a really awful movie...and THEN there are the Really Bad Movies that are also MUSICALS.
In this episode, my sister Annie and I each take on five films of the musical genre that just really grossed us out, pissed us off, or otherwise disappointed us. And had a really fun time doing it.
This is also Episode One in a series Annie and I are doing regarding the musical genre as a whole. So you can look forward to Best Movie Musicals released before and after 1980, best movies that AREN'T truly musicals but feature amazing musical performances, best animated movie musicals, and best musicals not based on Broadway plays...just to name a few!
Don't like our choices or want to challenge them? Shoot us an email at hello@thetopfivepodcast.com
You can also pitch us a Top Five topic or request an audition to be a co-host!
And we'd love for you to support the show! Visit our Patreon page at www.patreon.com/topfivepodcast
Here’s the transcript of the show! ENJOY!!!
[00:00:22] welcome. My dear top five fans and we are here for another exciting episode of the top five podcasts. I'm your host, Kris McPeak. And with me as always again, this time, my youngest sister, Annie Mayer, Pruitt, Annie what's up?
[00:00:43] Hello? Hello.
[00:00:47] happy days. How are you?
[00:00:49] I'm fantastic. How are you?
[00:00:52] I'm fantastic,
[00:00:58] , so we are engaging at the beginning of a journey. In musical land and we are going to be discussing several. There will be several episodes dedicated to top fives in the world of movie musicals. And we're starting tonight with
[00:01:27] worst,
[00:01:29] in our opinion, Annie and myself.
[00:01:33] So Annie let's define what we're talking about by worst movie musical. Like, how, how were it worse? Like you threw up a little in your mouth.
[00:01:43] So yeah. Threw up a little in my mouth. Like wanted to punch somebody was so upset that they completely like, like completely misrepresented what the musical was supposed to be.
[00:01:54] Um, or just like changed it enough from the original. So cuz a couple of minor roommates that it was just like. You guys have completely lost the point of what this musical is about.
[00:02:08] And so some of them could have been even laugh-out-loud moments like this was supposed to be really touching and moving, but it was so ridiculous that I had to laugh out loud.
[00:02:18] Yes. And, and, and like, partially mine is like the casting aspect of why did you put this person here?
[00:02:26] Yeah. Yeah. All right. Cool. Well, let's dive in. We're gonna do this episode a little differently we're each going to count down one song at a time. So we'll start from. From the best of the worst at number five to the worst of the worst at number one.
[00:02:43] Okay. Okay. My number five is Lars V triers dancer in the dark from the year 2000, which starred the delightful Swedish pop star BJO. Um, and what I can only say was tragic. Maybe two hours and 20 minutes of my life. Um, this was the same movie for which Bjork wore the Swan dress to the academy awards. Um, I can't even tell you anymore what it was about, and I can't even tell you anymore how it ended.
[00:03:18] I just know that I hated every minute of it. And I wanted to, like you said, punch somebody, punch a wall. Um, how could this have happened in a hundred thousand years? And I didn't know how to answer that question. And I just went, can't have those two and a half hours of my life back. So that's all I have to say about dancer in the dark.
[00:03:38] Just I hated
[00:03:39] it. Hated it. Yeah. Hated it. So I have not seen that one and I'll put it on my list of movies to not watch. Very
[00:03:47] good. I highly recommend this. Go on the don't need to watch list.
[00:03:52] Don't need to watch list. Okay. All
[00:03:54] right. Annie, number five,
[00:03:56] my number five, and I made this point some people, but my number five is mama Mia.
[00:04:02] Um, okay. Who, who in the world ever thought it was a good idea to cast Pierce Brossman in a singing role? Um, should have their like, should be like punished severely. Yes. Um, I'm, I'm an ABA enthusiast down to the very, like every cell of my body. Oh yeah. Breathes ABA. Um, I like, I would, even though it's not a musical, I would put Muriel's wedding, like number one over mama M any day of the week.
[00:04:31] So what they did to the album music, I got it. You know, it was, there were certain aspects of it that a lot of people loved. It's a great Broadway while I'm not talking about the Broadway. I'm talking about the movie, a film. Um, yes, as much as I love Meryl Streep, I did not enjoy her performance at all. Not one bit.
[00:04:51] I didn't like her little sisterhood. I didn't appreciate any of that. I hated her suitors. I just thought the whole musical was an absolute, ridiculous mess. And they, they destroyed a music. They, they, it was a travesty where they did ABA music with that musical.
[00:05:09] Fair enough. I have to say, I agree with you.
[00:05:12] And thus, we go to number four, my number, my number four is LAA land from 16, which again, many people will be rolling their eyes and saying, what are you talking about? It's an outstanding, modern musical snore. I didn't even finish watching it. I was so bored. I love Emma Stone. I love Ryan Gosling. They've done several other movies together with amazing, beautiful chemistry, but I just had zero love for anything happening in this film.
[00:05:53] I couldn't even be impressed. That they supposedly shut down the 1 0 1 freeway for three hours on morning rush hour to film the opening saying I'm like, I can fucking care less because this is snore. Yeah. Well, that's all I have to say about that Lala land. Was not LA LA horrific does not Valentine the city.
[00:06:15] The great city that I live in now. So over it.
[00:06:19] Yeah. Uh, I will agree with you. Uh, it's not on my list, but it, but it definitely is something that I don't ever have to watch again. Definitely right. With you on that one. Yeah. Well, I give
[00:06:29] you, I give you props for sticking it out, cuz I couldn't even do that. I was like, oh my God, I'm done
[00:06:34] over.
[00:06:35] Yeah, I finished it because Goling but oh. Yeah. Um, so mine is the 2014 version of Annie. Okay. I have no idea what they were thinking with that production. I got through like, like you, I, it was a snooze Fest. I got through maybe like three quarters of it and I got so bored and I, I thought all of the musical numbers were completely.
[00:07:08] Ridiculous. I, I did not, I just did not enjoy it whatsoever. Um, and again, maybe this is just, I loved Carol Barnett too much. Mm-hmm I, I loved her. She was like the, the best miss Hannigan ever. Um, Albert Finney he's, you know, he could have been replaced with, you know, 10 of 10 other actors that sing as mediocre as he does.
[00:07:31] Right. Um, but the child cast that the kid, you know, the kids, all the orphan. The singing voices and the talent pool in the original, um, or at least the what, 1984 version was ridiculous. Like phenomenal voices. Yeah. And I just didn't, I didn't feel like the, the 2014 version. It wasn't about the supporting cast.
[00:07:52] It was just all about JB Fox and the one girl. And I just didn't, I, I didn't like it at all. I just, that's my number four.
[00:08:01] Okay. My number three is the the Mamamia movie itself again. So yours was number
[00:08:10] four minus number 3, 2, 5.
[00:08:14] Yeah. I'm gonna, yours was gonna number five. I'm gonna echo everything that you had to say.
[00:08:19] I just, the, I don't even know if I could stomach this on Broadway, either. The, the concept, the entire concept of them creating a plot. out of all these Abba songs that weren't even on the same album, it had been different. If it was like, let's gonna take one album and make a concept out of it. Yeah. But they didn't, they were picking and choosing from all the greatest hits.
[00:08:41] And again, love everybody. Although at that point in time, I did not like Amanda seri. And it's probably very likely that it was because of that film. I thought this is ridiculous and I hate everything about it. Um, same, I couldn't handle Meryl. Streeps creepy little. Overall outfit that she had. And I don't even remember who her posse was, but I just know there's a picture of her on the internet, in this like staunch, like I'm gonna go marching thing, like, and where are you going?
[00:09:14] If you remember what was such a big deal that you have to March with your posse? Yeah, but, um, that's my, that's my number three could not tolerate it. And then did we really need a mama? Me part two. Couldn't even believe that that, uh, became a thing. So, yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Abba. Same as Annie. Uh, love your songs.
[00:09:34] Hate your movie musical.
[00:09:36] Yeah. Well, and on top of that, like the ridiculousness of like the fact that these three suitors would come back and still bevy for Meryl streets love great all over again. I'm like really. 25 years later. Yeah. You're still pining for this person that you left.
[00:09:51] Well, I might have a daughter.
[00:09:53] I don't know. Cause I don't remember.
[00:09:55] Yeah. Marilyn, you're such a whore. Yeah. and we won't even get started on Ricky in the flash. I, I don't even count that as musical cuz that was just terrible. It, so my, so my like honorable mention runner up was gonna be Ricky in the flash, which Springfield is in that.
[00:10:14] Right. Yeah, because they sang some songs. It wasn't a musical. Um, alright. So my number three, it's a movie that I love to hate, and I actually love this movie, but it's so bad. My number is. Oh, my, my, I love God. Bless you. Robert Williams. You know, I, you were phenomen. He was a great Popeye. He really was. I, I don't know why they, they ever would've thought it was a good idea to make a musical.
[00:10:46] Of Popeye. Um, oh Lord. There's just so many things wrong with that movie, but it's still like you it's on my, like, it's almost on my guilty pleasures list. Yes. Because I love, I love it, but I don't know if that's my childhood, but like when I watch it now, it's like the production value is just, oh my God, you had so.
[00:11:07] You could have done so much more with this, however, pop. I just knew be a musical in any way, shape or form. So cause he would
[00:11:16] gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today, right? Hamburger
[00:11:18] today. Yes. And God bless her. Shelly BU you, she, she was olive oil, olive oil, like through and through no business singing.
[00:11:28] Right. Any anywhere time don't ever do it again. I love you, but don't ever do it again. Just stick to screaming through the door. Well, you know, Dear Jack is trying
[00:11:38] to kill you, pounding a knife through,
[00:11:39] correct? Exactly. So pop Popeye is my number three. Okay.
[00:11:45] My number two is Woody Allens. Everyone says I love you from 1996.
[00:11:51] Okay. And again, uh, who idea was it to try and ask all. Actors to just sing random songs. Um, and there's people, again, that, in that movie that I love, and even like Edward Norton, that movie came out in the same year as, um, as primal fear. And when. When Edward Norton got one of his critics awards, it, you know, sometimes they'll list multiple films for the year.
[00:12:23] And everyone says, I love you was listed in his little, little pack of movies that he did for that year. And it just. It just makes me cringe to, to think about it. And again, I love Edward Norton. He's not a singer. We also know he's not a crier. He's a terrible crier. Yes. But, uh, definitely not a singer. So I think of him and drew Barrymore having their scene in that film.
[00:12:45] And again, it just, it just makes me, makes me squirm is bad, bad. A hundred times over bad,
[00:12:52] a hundred times over bad. That's my number two. Yeah. I think I got through like 20 minutes of that and just couldn't. I can get into it so painful. Okay. So I don't know if my number two counts, because you said hit the silver screen.
[00:13:08] This was a Netflix movie. That's okay. Okay. My number two is the prom 2021. Okay.
[00:13:16] Is Meryl Streep in that
[00:13:17] too? Yes, I have two Meryl Streeps on my was she has a lovely voice with her, with her, with her voice, but the fact that her love interest in that movie. Was, um, the guy from key and peel and I, if my internet was working, I would be able to pull up his name, but this love interest that she has was just a ridiculous, the, again, the casting was freaking.
[00:13:44] Stupid as I, I can't even, I , I just can't. Um, they completely lost sight of the message of the movie with, with showcasing Meryl Streep, instead of focusing on the teenagers and the prom itself, or the alternate prom that they were trying to, you know, show James cord. Is is a stupid, hot mess and oh, like borders on like pedophile character.
[00:14:11] I just, I hated everything. I hated everything about it. It could have been, I'm sure it's a great Broadway show. Um, I'm sure that they took their liberties with whatever they did on Netflix. But they there's just so much more that they could have done to empower teenagers and, uh, and help, you know, those that are question, you know, those that are having, you know, different time in high school.
[00:14:32] And that's just not the way the message came across. It came across as a, you know, a love story about Meryl Streep, which was stupid. So that's my Nu that's my number two.
[00:14:42] All right. And it's called prom or the prom?
[00:14:45] The prom 20, the pro I think it's 20, 21. Okay.
[00:14:49] Don't even right. No surprise what my number one is because it was already on your list and that would again be Popeye the musical 1980 directed by wait for it.
[00:15:04] Robert fucking Altman. Yes, that's right. The man who directed mash and the player and shortcuts and McCabe and Mrs. Miller, one of the core amazing directors to come out of the seventies and the oter movement decided to create this ridiculous. Musical film based on the comic book that again, and I'm with you, Annie.
[00:15:28] If you were to sit down tonight and say, Hey, I'm not doing anything, let's watch Popeye, I would say sure. And I can probably sing along to a lot of the words in
[00:15:36] the song. I totally sing along,
[00:15:38] but I like a rolling my eyes to think just why.
[00:15:47] Why there's just, you just can't answer the question and why not is not an answer. I will tell you that right now. So there you go. That is my that's my number one. So your number one
[00:16:00] is okay. No, no big surprise. And, and quite honestly, I didn't even have to watch it to make it my number one. Wow. The, the cats movie.
[00:16:12] Oh, the, the cats. I didn't even think I need to say anything else. I saw the preview. All I needed to see was the preview to realize what a horrific mistake that this was. Yeah. And between, between the malfunctions of, of digital. Trying to make like people's junk look bigger or, you know, Cod pieces or, and just like Taylor swift, just know God bless America.
[00:16:41] What on. Yeah. And so it's like, now I understand why people are signing petition to say, James Gordon does not need to be in another musical because we love you, but just stop, stay out of him. You, you don't belong anywhere near go away productions ever again.
[00:16:59] So I had forgotten about that, I guess. Cause cause led.
[00:17:02] Yeah. If, if, and when I'd seen a trailer, I've clearly gone to great lengths to psychologically block that from my memory. So I don't have to
[00:17:10] think about as should, as you should. And what, what an absolute insult to like, you know, one of the longest running Broadway, most iconic, like some of the most beautiful music that, you know, I could listen to Barbara Streisand, sing memories day in and day out.
[00:17:27] Mm-hmm so how on earth? They thought it was a good idea. To do that type of that version where they just, it was all again, like when you take something beautiful and just muck it up with CGI, then you know, then you should know right there. If you, if I had the CGI, the shit out of this thing, it probably should be made in the first
[00:17:48] place.
[00:17:48] Yeah, exactly.
[00:17:50] Oh, they, wow. Yeah. Okay. Well that is quite a list. We had two overlaps. Yes. So my, my, my top five is dancer in the. LA LA land mama Mia. Everyone says I love you. And Popeye mm-hmm and then your list
[00:18:08] included. Mine was mama Mia, the Annie 2014, Popeye the prom, I think 2021. And then cats 2020. 2018.
[00:18:21] Yes. Well, all right, so that you're welcome, Annie. And I just wanna say, you're welcome. You can, now
[00:18:28] we saved you roughly, we saved you roughly 10 to 12 hours of your life.
[00:18:32] Just about yeah, yeah. And, and some sanity. Um, and you won't have to punch anybody or throw up a little bit in your mouth. Yeah.
[00:18:41] So you wanna tap up the wall because you know, you've destroyed it or right.
[00:18:45] You.
[00:18:46] There will be no asking of your time back from God, cuz he won't give it to you anyway. Exactly. All right. That is another fun-filled episode of, I almost said God side hustle, another fun-filled episode of the top five podcast for Annie Pruitt. I'm Chris McPeak and we will catch up with you next time.
[00:19:09] All right.
[00:19:10] Wa wa.