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10 Ways to Boost Your Confidence When Life is Trying to Keep You Down

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No matter who you are, where you live, or what you’ve chosen as a career, life is stressful. Even the most successful people in the world have endured tough situations and they made the conscious decision to take control of their lives, take advantage of every opportunity given to them, and change their stories into ones of success. Building up that confidence to tackle challenges and grab opportunities is a trait we should all strive to improve.

If you’re feeling like life is getting the best of you, incorporate some of these tips into your daily life so you can feel a boost of confidence. These confidence boosters will magically lighten your emotional load so you can focus on the positives in life instead of the negatives. Confidence brings a brighter outlook on life which naturally leads to less stress and the ability to recognize beneficial opportunities.

Just remember…low confidence is not genetic. You’re not destined to always suffer from low self-confidence but you may have to work harder to overcome that weakness. Here are some easy tips for boosting that self-confidence:

1. Take care of yourself every single day. Starting from a shower in the morning to washing your face at night, daily hygiene is a symbolic way to wash away the negative mojo from yesterday and start fresh today. Some women also notice a marked difference in their confidence when they add just a little makeup or lip color.

2. Dress your best. While it may sound cozy to work at home in your PJs, many experts agree that productivity and self-confidence improve when you dress for the day. One friend told me she did her best work when she wore fancy high heel shoes! You don’t need a full-on business suit to be productive but choose something more business-casual as opposed to gym clothes or pjs after your shower.

3. Be aware of your self-talk. How is your inner ego treating your outer self? If you overeat at lunchtime or devour an entire box of your favorite cookies, does your inner demon berate you? Take notice of how you treat yourself when you “fall off the wagon” and turn that negative self-talk into positive self-talk. Instead of berating yourself for unbecoming behavior, turn that into an opportunity to exercise or to meditate instead. Or take a moment and actually TALK to yourself out loud with reassuring words. 

4. Take action every day. Nothing occurs in life without action. Students can’t get an A on a paper or test without studying hard. You can’t balance a checkbook without analyzing your expenses. You can’t earn a promotion without a strong work ethic. You can’t find new clients without marketing your business. Go one step further and think positively, which will then carry over into your actions. Instead of believing you can’t do something, change that into a can-do attitude. Soon you’ll discover how to find the silver lining in every situation.

5. Set a small goal and celebrate the win. Whether you need to shop for groceries, email your subscribers, or take time to exercise, set that goal as a priority for the day and celebrate when it’s complete. Enjoy the accomplishment and that lightened feeling it brings! Go one step further and schedule that goal task for early morning so your accomplished feeling lasts throughout your day.

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6. Incorporate small habits into your daily life. What could you do with an extra 10 minutes in your day? Tiny habits are all about taking small, minute chunks of time and using it wisely. So if you woke up 10 minutes earlier tomorrow, would you meditate, practice yoga, journal, or simply start your daily routine without feeling rushed? Small habits could be absolutely anything but that sense of accomplishment will motivate you to do more throughout the day. So this tip really goes hand-in-hand with number 5 above. You don’t need to solve the world’s problems but pick something small and dedicate a small amount of time to it. Soon you’ll link multiple tiny habits together and have a full-fledged productive routine!

7. Focus on solutions instead of problems. Focusing on problems alone leads to complaining and I’m certain you’ve seen your fair share of complaining on social media! Don’t become one of them! When something goes wrong, focus on how to fix it. Find alternatives instead of finding someone to blame. Sure, disappointment or anger over a problem is natural reaction but the key is not to dwell on this negative reaction. Do what you can to fix the problem and you’ll feel an immediate confidence boost when the problem is resolved (whether you get any credit for being the problem solver or not).

8. Be grateful. Gratitude is so easy to forget about in the course of a busy day. While gratitude journaling is popular these days, practicing gratitude can be as simple as saying, “Thank you for another beautiful day” when you awaken. Or “Thank you for preventing my getting into an accident” if you have to slam on your brakes. You can also profess gratitude with a simple phone call or email to special friends, simply thanking them for all the good they bring into your life. Recalling all that is good in your life can fill your heart with warmth and will also boost your confidence when you realize all your good choices have led you to this place.

9. Conquer self-limiting beliefs. As the old quote from Henry Ford reads, “Whether you say you can or can’t, you’re right.” As we grow older, we start to lose confidence in our abilities and those self-limiting beliefs take root in our brains. To rebuild confidence, tackle each of those beliefs by stepping out of your comfort zone. More often than not you’ll come away from the experience thinking it wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Then you’ll be ready to move on to the next belief!

10. Gain inspiration from the backstories of people you admire. We can all use a dose of inspiration nowadays but if you have a celebrity, business person, or author you admire, learn about their lives and how they overcame adversity. This is not to draw comparisons or to make you feel like you should be further ahead in reaching your goals; to the contrary, this is to inspire you that ANYONE can overcome challenges and still come out with confidence and success. Looking at their challenges, maybe you’ll realize that YOUR challenges aren’t nearly as bad as you once thought.

Take comfort in knowing that your confidence can be regained! Give yourself a confidence booster every day as needed until you see your mood lifting and your outlook on life turns more positive.

Your Plan to Passive Income Streams

WHOA - y’all - can you believe it’s been a YEAR since I posted a blog? So much has been going on and happening in my world - day job, side hustle, swim team, marriage, etc. - but I think I’m finally around the bend.

As of late, my big passion is working on multiple passive income streams - online printables, workbooks, ebooks, and other goodies. Because frankly - my day job has ramped up SO much that I need to rethink some priorities. But I really need some extra money right now - and this income idea makes the most sense to me.

Enjoy this marathon blog post with five sections on how you can create your own passive income stream - PLUS some fun exercises and resources! Here we go…

5 Reasons You Need a Passive Income Stream

Have you heard the phrase, “Make money while you sleep”? It’s a common phrase thrown around the internet marketing world that describes the power of passive income. Make a product one time but reap the rewards for years to come.

Passive income can benefit absolutely everyone, no matter what type of business you have or what type of coach you are. The key is to make product creation as simple and as inexpensive as possible. This doesn’t mean your product will be cheap; it means you should focus on your area of expertise and solve a common problem among your audience. 

Hello, World!

Let’s review why coaches need to create a stream of passive income:

1. Supplement your income when a client cancels their contract. No one wants to think about losing a client (or two!) but it happens. Instead of panicking at the idea of finding a new client to fill that space, you can approach the task calmly, knowing you have a passive income to fill that gap temporarily.

2. Expand your name recognition and attract new buyers from your target audience. The world is a big place and you always have the opportunity to reach new people in your target audience. Using your products as a giveaway or pricing it on the low end will entice these newcomers to learn more about you and your coaching practices.

3. Attract speaking or media engagements. Event organizers and reporters are constantly searching online for speakers or interview subjects. If you have products as part of your business and have a consistent marketing plan, the media will likely find you faster in their online searches. Adding these events to your media profile will immediately elevate your authority level, too.

4. Lead your prospects through a sales funnel, ultimately leading them to your more expensive coaching packages. A sales funnel is a must-have for coaches because people want to know about your practices prior to paying hundreds or thousands of dollars on a coaching package. Showcase your expertise with smaller, more inexpensive products first, then entice those buyers with your higher-priced packages.

5. Use products as part of your overall marketing plan. When you have products, you can run promotions that garner lots of attention on social media. Offer a freebie, a bonus if they buy a coaching package, or offer a chapter of your ebook as a teaser to entice them to buy. Unique promotions will attract attention from new prospects in your target market.

Check out this free webinar from my buddies Julie and Cody who have totally made bank on teaching people to create passive income in this way!

Creating Products Your Clients Will Actually Buy

I’m a big believer in creating passive income for your coaching business but many coaches don’t know what to offer or think that their one-on-one coaching services are enough to sustain their lifestyle.

Sure, your clients hire you for your specific skillset and specialty but wouldn’t you like to earn more in your business? Wouldn’t you like to cash in on the phrase, “Make money in your sleep”? Wouldn’t you like to reach more of your target audience who aren’t quite ready to purchase your big-ticket coaching packages?

This is why you need products to sell in addition to your coaching services. 

What Will They Buy?

A simple way to determine what your audience needs is to simply ask them. Create a survey with Survey Monkey and ask your followers on social media and on your email list to complete it. Maybe what they are looking for is a simple ebook or a workbook. Others may be looking for a class to resolve their particular problem. 

Also, ask your current coaching clients what they need. This is especially important to retain them as clients after their coaching sessions end. What’s the logical next step for them to continue learning with you?

Identify Your Target Market

You have likely done this exercise already however it’s important to reanalyze your market and identify any changes that may have occurred. Have you stayed true to your initial business plan of attracting your target market or are your clients at a lower income level? How do you attract new prospects?

By creating lower-priced products, you’ll attract people who aren’t quite ready to purchase a high-priced item. However, these are still good prospects to have in your sales funnel because they can start slowly with your lower-priced items, and as their income increases, you can offer higher-priced items, eventually leading to your highest-priced product. While they progress through your products, they will see you as a credible expert and will trust this expertise, especially when you offer your higher-priced coaching sessions.

Answering Your Questions About Sales Funnels and Why Coaches Need One

One question I am asked all the time by my readers is what is a sales funnel and why is it important to have one? I guess that’s really two questions but they go hand in hand so I’ll tackle answering them together.

A sales funnel is a pathway through which you guide prospects into the depths of your business. Unless your prospects have unlimited funds, you will rarely find someone ready to purchase your highest-priced coaching service. Likewise, if you’re planning a weekend retreat in a faraway land, very few will shell out $10,000+ unless they already know you and like what you have to say.

Hence the need for a sales funnel.

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Anatomy of a Sales Funnel

No doubt you have seen pictures of funnels, where the widest opening is at the top of the funnel with the smallest opening at the bottom. The idea behind this graphic is that you’re attracting as many people as possible at the opening of your funnel and bringing them down to the smallest opening, where your most expensive product is offered.

Every step along the way, from the wide opening and downward into the funnel, you need to make offers to this audience and usually, they are incremental in price. These offers make chronological sense to the consumer and after they purchase one product, they are more likely to purchase a second due to liking your content and your style of coaching.

What Can I Offer?

At the opening of your sales funnel, you want something with a mass appeal so you’re attracting a large number of people. It can be a freebie, a chapter from your book, a recording of an interview, or anything that will showcase your coaching.

Once people have responded to that freebie, I prefer to offer low-priced items throughout my funnel. These types of products give your audience a low-risk way of experiencing your coaching skills and beliefs. These low-priced items can include ebooks, workbooks, e-courses, or a membership site. 

How Can I Get Started Creating Low-Priced Items?

The key to creating low-priced products for your sales funnel is that they should be quick and easy to create. You don’t need ghostwriters or a huge team to create the products I’m talking about. The idea is to pull your expertise out of your head and get it onto paper or video. No extra research is necessary…it’s all about what you know (CLICK HERE for a free ebook to help you get started!)

How Consistent Product Branding Can Lead to Increased Sales

I have no doubt that before you opened your coaching doors you thought long and hard about the branding of your company, from the logo design to the colors of your website. The same kind of branding strategy should occur when you’re creating products for your audience.

While the product graphics don’t have to look exactly like your website, there should be repeating elements so your subscribers and clients will recognize the product as being yours. Whether that’s the same color palette or font, repetition develops trust and name recognition. And once people trust you, they are more likely to become repeat buyers.

Repetition is also important when you have a series of products, whether it’s a series of ebooks, webinars, or classes. For instance, do you know that section of Amazon that shows the “Customers who bought this also bought” section? If an author’s series of books show up, all looking similar in design, the reader would know right away that this author is a credible authority because, after all, look at all the books she’s published!

If the books in this section are all different in design – whether it’s because they are by different authors or because the series author didn’t think about consistent branding – the credit rating is not as dramatic. The readers might think they belong to all different authors or they cover topics different from the original book they published. Make it as easy as possible for customers to recognize and purchase your products through consistent visual branding. Making them confused or having to jump through hoops will lessen your sales and possibly hurt your credibility.

What Types of Products Should You Offer?

So many coaches focus on high-end products and forget that not all their clients will purchase their high-end products right away. In fact, that’s the rarity instead of the norm.

In most cases, people will hear your name and want to learn more about you. But they’ve worked hard for their money and will likely want to hear you speak or understand what your coaching practices and beliefs are prior to buying a package from you.

What better way to encourage potential new clients than to offer low-end products for them to test out before buying a high-end coaching product? 

Don’t Be a Copycat; Create Your Own Path

By now you probably have figured out that I’m a big believer in creating low-end products for your coaching business. There are plenty of coaching gurus who tell you to go after the high-end clients and you might think you can’t get those clients without offering high-end products.

But let’s think about it this way…does a high-end client start off as a high-end client? Or does that high-end client start off as a low-end client who increases her earnings year after year to eventually become a high-end client?

Food for thought.

Your own coaching success won’t be based on how other coaches structure their businesses. Your success is directly correlated to the amount of work you put in, the products you create, and the way you market yourself. Take control of your own destiny and make your business choices based on what YOU feel is the right move.

Just because Coach A is basing her clientele around that high-end demographic and doesn’t offer products doesn’t mean you have to do the same. Yes, be aware of your competition and what they’re doing in their business but do things your own way. 

Be original. Identify your target market and its pain points. Jot down their demographics and where that audience can be found online. Ask them what types of products they would like to see or that they desperately need. Plan your pricing based on what your market can handle as opposed to your own monetary goals. 

What Types of Products Can Coaches Offer?

You’re only limited by your own creativity but some of the easiest products to create are ebooks, workbooks, e-courses, and recurring revenue sites. They should be easy to create because you’re using your own expertise and experience to create these. No need for expensive ghostwriters or a team of researchers.

If the idea of creating products is daunting, or if you’re already coming up with excuses of why this idea won’t work for you, make sure you check out the free resources from Gold City Ventures: their ebook and workshop.

And remember, low-end products do NOT mean low quality! You should always over-deliver on your content and these products are no exception. Join us to learn how to work these products into your sales funnel and coaching business.

How to Truly Conquer Your Fears and Be More Confident

Acknowledge Your Fears and Conquer Your Low Self-Confidence

Fear can be one of the most crippling influences on your business success. If you take the time to sit down and list out all the fears you face as an entrepreneur in today’s world, the list can get quite long, quite fast. These are some of the most common fears business leaders experience:

  • Fear of trying new things

  • Fear of failure

  • Fear of losses

  • Fear of letting others down

They are all valid fears, especially if you own a business that employs others. That means other people rely on your success for their livelihoods and security. However, when these fears prevent you from moving forward, they become largely self-fulfilling. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to break free from these fears so you can accomplish the success you deserve once and for all. This is how you begin.

Know Your Own Value

If you don’t know it already, take a little time to discover that you are more than the sums of your parts. We all have strengths, weaknesses, knowledge, and talents. Some people are fortunate enough to have outright gifts they choose to share with others. It’s not a lack of experience or ability that is holding you back. It is, however, a lack of confidence. Until you understand the gifts you bring to the table, you’re going to struggle with self-confidence.

Find Ways to Improve Your Value

Some people choose to focus on eliminating the negatives but that isn’t always the best choice. It takes far more time to eliminate negative tendencies or overcome knowledge deficiencies than it would to improve your skills and talents and hire someone to tackle the tasks where you are less skilled. For instance, if you have a real gift for empathizing with people but aren’t as gifted at keeping your finances in order, hire a bookkeeper to work part-time handling those tasks while you develop your talents to grow your business.

Invest in Yourself

Take a class to help you develop the skills you need to grow as a person and as a business leader and innovator. If you lack self-confidence, taking classes in the areas where you feel deficient will help you grow your confidence. Knowledge, as they say, is power. Classes help you not only gain knowledge but also develop your talents and interests so you can accomplish impressive things with your business.

Get over Yourself

This isn’t meant to be negative or insulting. Sometimes, you are your biggest obstacle. This is often the result of the fear of failure rather than a lack of confidence. You have to risk failure in order to find amazing success.

Eliminate Negative Self-Talk

Finally, mute the voices inside your head that feed your doubts and fears. If you can’t turn them off, drown them out with positive affirmations, building yourself up, and reminding yourself of all you’ve accomplished until now – and that you’re not finished yet!

Conquering low self-confidence is all about changing the narrative in your mind. Once you’ve mastered that, you’ll open yourself up to greater success.

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How Taking Small Actions Can Build Your Confidence and Your Business

Building your business requires action; success is not something that can appear out of thin air or be granted by a magic genie. As the old saying goes, “Slow and steady wins the race,” but sometimes you’re simply overwhelmed by the list of things to do that wait for you. It’s not about moving mountains in the course of a day or taking over the Western world of business in a single year.  

Success in business comes by taking small actions daily. More importantly, these small actions compound over time and lead to small successes that build your confidence, creating momentum for larger successes down the road.

It Only Takes a Spark to Start a Fire

If you’ve ever watched a group of scouts trying to learn how to start fires, you understand what this means. Different troops use different tactics to create that spark:

  • Flint and steel

  • Magnifying glasses

  • A bow and spindle

  • Two rocks

Each of these methods requires small actions to create the spark that becomes a fire. In business, you don’t even need to take all the small actions in a single day, week, month, or year. The key is to take small actions consistently so you can make great things happen.

Use that Spark to Fuel Your Confidence

Those tiny sparks start more than fires for your business. The small actions used to create the sparks have cumulative effects on your business. They build, one on top of the other, while also building your confidence along the way.

When was the last time you noticed the look on someone’s face when he or she accomplished the task at hand? The sense of accomplishment? The enormous personal pride? Each time you accomplish one of these small tasks for your business, you will have that same sense of pride, accomplishment, and confidence. 

Break Down Larger Goals into Smaller Tasks

According to Inc.com, one of the reasons highly successful people are able to accomplish more in a day than the rest of us is because they understand the value of breaking large goals into a series of smaller tasks. This gives them the opportunity to accomplish something every day that gets them closer to their larger goals. 

Accomplishing Tasks Keeps You Looking (and Moving) Forward

Business owners always want to be moving forward. The more steps you take toward your goals, the faster your business can grow and evolve. The more you do to help your business get there, the greater your sense of accomplishment, confidence, and purpose.

One of the real secrets for success is not to sit back and relax once you’ve accomplished one of your larger goals. While you may want to take a moment to congratulate yourself on a job well done, now is the time to shift your focus to new tasks and goals.

It's amazing how important it becomes for business leaders to continuously strive to accomplish more. It’s part of what separates those who are content to settle in their businesses from those who might someday take top spots in their fields and industries. What small actions have you taken today? What’s on your list for tomorrow?

How to Boost Your Self-Confidence Before a Media Interview

Media interviews can be incredibly useful tools for helping to share your message with your community in addition to introducing yourself and your business to a wider, local audience. However, in order to truly shine during a media interview, you must first have a healthy dose of self-confidence to get you through the interview process.

Create “Talking Points”

When preparing for the interview, it is often best to have the main list of talking points you hope to stick with. Depending on the anticipated length of your interview you may want to have a few brief talking points, or you may be able to address some of your main points more in-depth. Your “talking points” list is helpful either way.

This helps keep you in familiar territory throughout the interview, allows you to tailor your message to the audience you’re addressing, and keeps the topic from devolving into the realm of the unfamiliar. It’s a huge confidence boost to you to have a list of talking points you can draw from because it keeps the interview in familiar territory.

Remind Yourself that Someone Wants to Hear Your Story

Whether you’re launching a book, introducing a new product to the world, announcing a workshop, or simply educating audiences about the risks and rewards of the services you provide, someone was interested enough in your message to conduct an interview. That has got to boost your own inner confidence a little.

Embrace Brevity

You don’t want to re-invent the wheel with your interview. Keep your answers brief and avoid going “over the heads” of your audience. Besides, keeping answers brief helps the audience stay engaged and increases the odds that your message will resonate. You know your stuff. Now put it into words the average person can understand.

Stay on Target

Resist interviewer attempts to take you off the topic at hand. Keep your questions and answers on target so you’re never in dangerous territory. Stick to the topic you know best and let your knowledge, expertise, and experience shine during the interview process.

Familiarize Yourself with the Show

Watch a few video clips of past interviews to allow you to get to know the interviewer, the interviewer’s style, and whether the interviewer tends to try to lead guests off-topic. This will help you prepare for whatever he or she throws in your direction while training you to identify these characteristics for the next media interview you must endure.

List Your Accomplishments

Write them down on paper. This isn’t for anyone but you. You just need to review the list before going into the interview so you can remember your value to others. The better you understand that value, the greater your confidence going into the interview.

Media interviews can be intimidating, especially if you haven’t done many up until this point in your career. They do not have to be intimidating, though. The steps above can help you develop the confidence you need to ace your interview while feeling calm, prepared, and relaxed the entire time.

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How to Build Trust with Your Clients When You Really Want to Hide

Building trust with your clients is essential for maintaining effective long-term relationships with them. However, some business leaders struggle with building these types of relationships. There are many reasons this can be a struggle:

  • Lack of confidence in your abilities

  • Low self-confidence

  • Imposter syndrome (you may feel as though you’ve lucked into success and haven’t really earned it)

  • You’re holding back because you’re afraid they won’t find you worthy

Any one of these fears can create a wall between you and your clients that prevents you both from the type of relationship and results you desire, especially if you’re trying to hide essential parts of who you are from your client. Fear can be devastating to your attempts to build trust but there are things you can do to stop hiding from your clients and build the type of trusting relationship you both deserve.

Be Responsive

Whether your clients call, send emails, send text messages, or fill out help tickets on your website, you need to respond promptly. This makes them feel like their concerns matter to you and that you are listening to them. That will help them trust you more and it’s something small you can do to build it. Of course, this doesn’t mean being on call 24/7. Set your business boundaries and explain to your clients when they can expect to hear from you.

Be Clear in Your Communication

The written word is beautiful. It has been used to create marvelous works of fiction, letters of love, and treaties of peace over millennia. It is also notoriously imprecise if you aren’t careful. Think about it: People argue over what songs mean, what poets intended, over what the framers of the constitution meant. 

This lack of clarity is the precise reason we need lawyers to look over contracts before signing them. People are deliberately imprecise at times. Don’t give your clients the appearance that this is your goal. Write clearly in plain language. Make your message heard. It shows trust in their interpretation of your words and confidence in your ability to convey your message.

Give Extra

Perhaps the biggest thing you can do to build trust with your clients is to always give them more than they expect. Whether it’s an extra bonus item, a condensed study guide, or even an easy-to-use flow chart of the information you’ve gone over with them. When you give more without asking for anything in return, it breeds trust and sets the expectation that you’re dealing honestly with your clients. 

Their faith in you boosts your own confidence creating situations in which you’re building deeper connections and trust unconsciously.

Building better trust with your clients when you’re feeling as though you’re not worthy of their business can be very difficult, but it’s not impossible to overcome. If you take a few moments every day to address their concerns, answer their questions, and, most importantly, solve their problems (address their pain points), you will cultivate incredibly loyal customers for life. You cannot really ask for better than that when working to grow your business.


Why Staying in Your Comfort Zone is Stunting Your Business

Comfort zones. We all have them. They are fuzzy. Warm. Comfortable. Many people, in life and business, can be perfectly content remaining in their comfort zones forever because it’s comfortable there. 

It’s like your favorite, threadbare, flannel pajamas. You might live in them when you’re not headed out for a day at the office or lunch with friends. But you’re not really going anywhere as long as you stay in those pajamas. 

The same holds true for business comfort zones. You gather a collection of clients you’re comfortable with. You develop a few key skills you’re familiar with. Then you hit a holding pattern. You’re not losing business but your business also isn’t growing. It isn’t evolving and it will never become all that it can be as long as you remain firmly planted inside your comfort zone.

How do You Break Out of Your Comfort Zone?

When you reach the point where you’re no longer expanding your business into new markets, bringing in new clients, or learning new skills to grow your business, you’re going to need to shake things up to get the growth you seek and that your business deserves. These are some things you can do to help shake things up and take a walk outside the lines your business has been boxed into.

  • Design a new product. Not only does this exercise increase your personal creativity but it gives your business a new way to reintroduce yourself to your existing customers and to reach out to new audiences.

  • Write a book. Writing a book introduces you to a much larger audience. The book doesn’t have to be about your business, but it will certainly help you grow your business, not to mention establish you as an expert in your field if it’s business-related.

  • Consider public speaking. Groups are desperate to have speakers come in for a variety of topics. In fact, many of them struggle to find professionals and business owners willing to take the time to do so. However, speaking to these groups gives you much-needed exposure, helps you make new contacts for your business, and may even introduce you to potential joint-venture partners along the way. You can ask at your public library, your local chamber of commerce, or even local civic groups if they need public speakers.

  • Teach a class. You know what you do best. You certainly know it well enough to build a career around it. Helping others to learn about the things you do every day or offering a sample of the skills you teach in your in-depth classes can bring you more customers than you ever thought possible. Most communities offer adult learning or adult education classes. Volunteer to teach a class on a topic that showcases your individual talents.

Your comfort zone may feel comfortable for a while. Before too long, though, you will begin to understand that it’s really stifling growth for your business, preventing you from taking risks that fuel giant growth and training you to settle for less in business and in life. Don’t settle for your comfort zone. Be bold. Be unpredictable. Be innovative and watch how quickly your business grows.

How to Establish a Better Bedtime Routine in Just One Week

When Should You Go To Bed?

The first step toward establishing a good bedtime routine is deciding when you should go to bed. There are a couple of things to consider here. Your weekly routine is part of it, as is how much sleep you need per night. Let’s look at these things and discuss how you can use them to guide you toward a good bedtime for yourself.

Look at your weekly schedule. Is there a certain time you have to get up? Most of us have to go to work or get the kids to school. Start with when you know you have to leave the house. From there, think about how long it takes you to get ready. Are there any morning routines that will take additional time? Do you have to get other people ready, fix breakfast for everyone, or start a load of laundry before you leave the house? Add all that time up and come up with an estimate of when you need to wake up to get it all done.

I’m calling this an estimate because if you don’t currently have a good routine and are winging it, your first guess might be off by a little. That’s okay. As long as you’re in the ballpark, it won’t be hard to make a few adjustments.

The next question is what do you do if your schedule changes from day to day, or what do you do about the weekends when you don’t have to be anywhere at a given time. It’s a good question and the answer is simple. You want to get into the habit of waking up at the same time each day. That means you want that time to be the earliest you have to get up during the week. If that means getting out of bed at six every morning, then that’s the time you want to pick. It may not sound like a lot of fun, especially if you’re struggling to get up that early right now, but there’s a reason for it. It will become routine and after a few weeks of getting up at six every day without fail, it will be easy. Trust the process and give it a try.

Next, decide how many hours of sleep you need per night. Most people need between seven and nine hours. If you're not sure the optimal number of hours of sleep you personally need try starting with 8 hours and go from there. Let’s stick with the six am wakeup example. To get eight hours of sleep, you need to fall asleep by ten pm at night. Since none of us can put our head on the pillow and fall asleep, a good bedtime would be nine-thirty.

Now it’s your turn. What’s the earliest you need to get up? Subtract eight and a half hours from that time and make it your regular bedtime for a week or two. How does that feel? If you consistently wake up well before your alarm, you may only need seven hours of sleep. If you still feel tired after establishing your bedtime routine, you may want to try giving yourself an extra half an hour of sleep and see if you do better with that. Above all, stick to going to bed and getting up at the same time each day - even on the weekend and when you’re on vacation. Your body and mind will thank you.

Simple Ways To Introduce Calm Into Your Evenings

Many of us struggle to fall asleep at night. We toss and turn, or pop supplements and pills before we can drift off. If you are having trouble falling asleep, or simply want to work on a better bedtime routine, here are some simple ways to introduce calm into your evenings. If your mind and body aren’t overstimulated, it’s easier and quicker to fall asleep at night.

Stop the Caffeine Early

Caffeine has surprisingly long halftime, which means it stays in our system longer than we think. You may have built up a tolerance and tell yourself that you can drink coffee or caffeinated tea late in the day, but it will not help you fall asleep. Most experts recommend you stop drinking caffeinated beverages between noon and two pm. Stick to that for a while and see if it helps you stay calm in the evenings and get sleepy around bedtime.

Turn Off The Screens

I’m sure it comes as no surprise to you that screens like computers, televisions, and especially tablets and phones make it harder for you to fall asleep. The reason why is because the light they emanate mimics the sun and tricks our bodies into thinking it’s earlier in the day than it is. That in turn throws off our circadian rhythms. Phones and tablets are particularly bad because we hold them so close to our faces. I encourage you to turn off all screens for at least two hours before you go to bed. It will make a bigger difference than you think.

What about blue light blockers or filters? They will help and are better than nothing, but they will not help you establish a good bedtime routine. It’s okay to not check your email until the morning. Now is also a good time to be honest with you. Are you doing productive things on your phone, or are you scrolling social media, playing games, and letting yourself be entertained? Give putting your phone to the side at night a try and see if you don’t start to sleep better.  

Lower The Sounds And Lights

At the same time, it’s a good idea to start lowering the lights and anything you may be listening to. It even helps to lower your voice and invite your loved ones to do the same. Use softer light bulbs, and turn off any overhead lights. They mimic the sun and can trick your body into thinking it’s still early in the day.

Now that we talked about everything you shouldn’t do during the hours before bedtime, let’s discuss a few things you can do that promote calm. Reading a book is a good idea, as is sitting together in quiet conversation. Listen to some music or play a relaxing board game with your family. Or take this time for yourself and indulge in some self-care.

Taking a warm bath or shower has been shown to promote sleep. Light a candle, turn on some soothing music and meditate or write in a journal. Spend some time unwinding and letting go of your busy day. After that, driving off to sleep will be easy and natural.

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 Why You Should Ban Screens From Your Bedroom

You know it’s better to avoid using your phone or tablet in the hours before you go to bed. I hope you’re making strides towards putting your phone away at night, but I would like to suggest taking it a step further and banning all screens from your bedroom. Instead, make it a sanctuary designed for sleep and maybe another bedroom activity.

There are some very good reasons why you should keep screens out of your bedroom. First, let’s talk about what type of screens. The obvious one is a TV or computer. Unless there is no other way, keep them out of your bedroom. If you need to have a computer in there because the bedroom is also your home office, power everything off and unplug it before bedtime. There will be no blinking lights or fans coming on that could disrupt your much-deserved rest. You also won’t be tempted to sneak one last check of email or to turn on the TV to catch up on your favorite TV show when you should be sleeping.

Of course, keeping your smartphone on your bedside table can cause much of the same problem. Even if you silence your phone, there’s a good chance it will blink or the screen will light up in the night. And if nothing else, you’ll be tempted to check what time it is or if you’ve gotten any messages if and when you wake up in the middle of the night. Having your phone within arm’s reach makes it too tempting to turn it on. This in turn will not only flood your eyes with an intense light that mimics sunlight. It also gets your brain going when you see a few email subject lines or alerts on the screen. Both will make it much harder to fall back asleep.

What if you need your phone because you use it as an alarm clock? Simple. Buy an old-fashioned alarm clock and leave your phone in the kitchen or living room. It can charge there without you, trust me. One of the best things you can do for a better night's sleep is to stop looking at your phone an hour or two before bed. And don’t even think about replacing it with a tablet or e-reader.

One of the big problems with any type of screen is something I alluded to earlier. Screens put off a type of blue light that when it hits the back of your eyes, tricks the brain into thinking it’s daytime instead of night time. Filters and blue-light blocking glasses can help some, but it’s best to avoid using them late at night and definitely if you wake up in the middle of the night. Try it and see for yourself how much of a difference it makes.

 

Getting Comfy - Temperature, Touch, Sound & Scent

It’s time for bed and you’re ready to get comfy and drift off to sleep. The more conducive you can make your bed and your bedroom to sleep, the easier it will be to rest and actually fall asleep. Let’s talk about a few simple things you can do to create a better sleep environment.

One of the easiest things to change and improve for most of us is the temperature. It’s easier to sleep at cooler temperatures. Turn your central heat or air down a degree or two when you head to bed. Make sure you’ve dressed appropriately. Light pajamas when it’s warm and a blanket that will keep you warm enough, but not sweating in the middle of the night. If it’s cool outside, consider opening the windows for a bit before you go to bed to let some fresh air into the room, or consider sleeping with the window cracked open. There’s something about it that makes for a restful night. Of course, you should ignore this advice if you have allergies and fresh air causes you to sneeze or gives you a stuffy nose.

Next, let’s think about touch. What makes you comfortable? Is it the sleek cool feel of satin sheets? The comfort of flannel and a heavy quilt on top of you? How about soft cotton that you can wrap up in? Find your perfect sheets and bedding. Don’t forget about what you are wearing to bed. The clothes should be comfortable, because when you are, it's easier to fall asleep and you’ll sleep deeper.

If you’re having trouble falling asleep because the slightest noise from outside alerts you or you can’t shut off your mind, give white or brown noise a try. Turn on a fan, play some soft sounds, or try a bedtime meditation. There are plenty of options out there. The sound can be soothing and it will cover up anything going on outside that keeps you from drifting off to sleep.

Last but not least, there are calming scents that will help slow down your body and mind when it’s time to go to sleep. Light a scented candle for a little while or diffuse some oils. Lavender has long been a favorite at bedtime. You can even create a fun linen spray by combining distilled water with a few drops of lavender oil. Spritz it on your sheets and your pillow before bed. The aroma will carry you off to dreamland in no time.

Don’t be afraid to play around with any of these suggestions. Come up with what works for you and create your very own bedtime routine.

Dealing With Stray Thoughts & Worries At Nighttime

Do you ever have one of those nights when you can’t turn your mind off and end up tossing and turning? We all have days and nights when our busy minds and worries keep us up. Thankfully there are some simple strategies you can employ to deal with them, leaving you to enjoy the remainder of your night in restful slumber. Let’s look at a few you can try whenever you need them.

Distract Yourself

If you had a rough day or are going through stressful times, it can help to distract yourself before bed. Read a good book. Watch a movie. Catch up on your favorite show, or play a video game in the hours before bed. For the last hour or two before you lay down, it’s best to avoid screens. Reading or listening to a podcast or some engaging music are great ways to distract yourself. Or how about a good conversation with a loved one, or some private time with your spouse? Get your mind off what’s worrying you and do what you can to leave it until the next morning.

Journal Before Bed

If you can’t quite distract yourself, it’s not a bad idea to face and acknowledge what’s worrying you. Take out a notebook and journal for a page or two. It will help you process whatever is going on in your life. And by writing it down and getting it all out before bed, it can help clear your mind.

Journaling isn’t a quick pill fix. It can take some time to see the long-term benefits. Give it a few weeks and see if it’s something that works for you. Or maybe you’ll get lucky and one night of journaling is enough to calm that busy, anxious mind. After all you only have a page, some ink and a few minutes of your time to lose on this simple exercise.

Nighttime Meditation

If journaling isn’t your thing, or it isn’t quite enough to help on its own, try meditating. Meditation any time of the day is a great way to bring calm to your day and reduce stress. It’s particularly helpful right before bed.

It makes sense, doesn't it? If you’re anxious and worried when it’s time to go to sleep, meditating can help you shift into a calmer, more centered, and present state. Short, guided meditations are especially helpful for beginners. Find one online, plug in your earbuds and give it a try.

Keep A Notepad On Your  Night Table

Last but not least, here’s something anyone can do. Go find a little notebook, a notepad, or a piece of scrap paper. Put it along with a pen or pencil on your nightstand. When your mind gets busy about all the things you need to do the next day, or something pops up that you don’t want to forget, write it down. It gives great peace of mind and maybe just what you need to fall asleep.

 

Relax Your Body With A Warm Bath Or Gentle Stretches

The key to a good night's sleep is being able to relax in the hour or two before you climb into bed. It makes sense, doesn’t it? If your body is relaxed, your mind will follow. There’s a lot you can do to relax at night. Read a good book, meditate. But two that are particularly helpful both physically and mentally are a warm bath and stretching. Let’s look at those and how you can include them in your bedtime routine.

How Stretching Helps You Sleep At Night

Doing some gentle stretches or a little relaxing yoga can be a great addition to your nighttime routine. The key here is gentle. This isn’t a workout. It’s part of relaxing and getting your body ready for sleep. Roll those shoulders, work out the kinks in your neck, and stretch those limbs.

You can find plenty of stretching and yoga videos online. While it’s usually a bad idea to use screens at night, you can use them for a few evenings until you get the routine down. Or, if you are familiar with the concepts and can do so safely, feel free to come up with something individual that works for you. After all, we don’t always carry tension in the same parts of our bodies each day.

Pay attention to how you feel when you get into bed after spending a few minutes stretching first. Does your body feel warmer? More relaxed? That’s what will make falling asleep much easier and you end up with better rest.

The Benefits Of A Warm Nighttime Bath (or Shower)

Another great habit to get into is taking a warm bath or shower at night. Not only does it feel good to be clean when you slip between the sheets, it also helps relax your muscles, your body, and even your mind. You can even combine it with gentle stretches.

There’s an additional benefit that has to do with some of the processes inside our body as we transition from being awake to asleep. When you sleep, your body temperature lowers. This is closely connected with feeling sleepy. In your brain falling asleep and a drop in body temperature go together. Taking a warm bath taps into that connection and hacks it to your benefits. Take a warm bath or shower an hour before you’re going to bed. Make sure it’s long enough to warm you up. A minimum of ten minutes is good. Then, as you lay in bed, that temperature slowly starts to drop, making you feel a little drowsy and ready to fall asleep. Give it a try. You’ll be sold.

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Establish Your Nightly Routine & Stick To It

Human beings thrive on routine. If you are a parent, you know how true this is. And while most of us will do a good job setting and sticking to a routine for our kids, we don’t do as well for ourselves. It’s time to change that. Let’s talk about what you can do to establish a nightly routine and how you can stick to it until it becomes a habit.

It all starts with the decision to get a better night’s sleep. And you do it with a daily routine that includes getting into bed at the same time each day - including weekends. It also helps to get up roughly at the same time each morning. Sleeping in a little when you get the chance is fine, but don’t make it more than an hour or two so you can still fall asleep at the appropriate time. That might sound hard at first, but the more you stick to your routine, the easier it will become. After a few weeks, it will become a habit. You’ll know you’re close when you start to wake up a few minutes before your alarm.

Going to bed and waking up at the same time are the cornerstones of your routine, but you don’t want to stop there. What you do in an hour or so before bed can make a big difference in how easy it is to fall asleep and how soundly you’ll sleep through the night. There is a lot you can do to set yourself up for a good night’s rest. A warm bath, reading a book, leaving your phone in the living room …

Take a moment to sketch out your ideal nighttime routine. Keep it simple and start small. What are two or three things you can do consistently before you go to bed at night? This could be brushing your teeth and washing your face. It could also be lighting a candle and reading or journaling for a few minutes right before bed. Or how about sipping a cup of herbal tea?

Write down our first take at a bedtime routine and try it out. How did it feel? What works for you, what does not? It’s okay to make changes over time and tweak it as needed. The only rules are to stick to your bedtime and to eventually land on a routine you can stick with until it becomes an automatic habit.

Once you’ve found your routine you should stick to it for a few months. After that you can make the occasional exception. You’ll be surprised how much easier it will be to fall asleep with a good bedtime routine in place.

Self Care: What It Is, Why It Matters, and How to Make Time for It

Why Self-Care Matters & Super Simple Ways To Treat Yourself 

You’ve probably heard the term “self-care” used a lot lately. It’s become a popular buzzword in the media and in personal development circles. However, you still may be unclear on what it means. While the concept does involve taking care of yourself, it actually goes much deeper. Read on to learn what self-care is, why it matters and how to get started doing it. 

About Self-Care

Self-care covers a lot of areas with regard to caring for yourself. It involves nurturing your body, mind and spirit. It focuses on building yourself up so that your internal resources don’t become depleted. Essentially, self-care is being as good to yourself as you would be to someone you care about. It requires you to show yourself some compassion and encourages you to be vulnerable with others, asking for help you when you need it. What doesn’t fall under the umbrella of self-care are self-destructive coping mechanisms such as using drugs, drinking, gambling or retail therapy. These things only make you feel good in the short-term. 

The Benefits of Self-Care

There are lots of benefits to practicing self-care. Embracing this concept can be difficult for those who’ve always placed emphasis on the welfare of others. However, giving all your energy to those around you without filling your own back up leaves you depleted and empty. That’s no way to live. Instead, spending time and effort on yourself rejuvenates and energizes you. Taking time to indulge in your own interests demonstrates your worth, leading to improved self-esteem and a more positive outlook on the world. It teaches you a lot about yourself and provides you with insight into what you need to be the best version of yourself. Self-care helps you better cope with stress and to prioritize what’s important to you. You’ll be better able to take care of others when you also take time to meet your own needs. 

Examples of Self-Care

There are countless ways to add self-care into your routine. The key is to choose activities that are most enjoyable to you and provide you with the most benefits. Going for a walk in nature is great for those who enjoy the outdoors. Other forms of exercise like yoga, running or going to the gym work well, too. Spending time with friends can be rejuvenating, but so can saying no. Allowing yourself to decline invitations or favors when you’re feeling run-down is a big part of caring for yourself. Treating yourself to a favorite, affordable indulgence like a movie, manicure or ice cream cone are all good examples. As is taking a bath or meditating. These are just a few of the ways you can easily incorporate self-care into your life. 

Now you know what self-care is and what it’s important. You’ve also got some ideas of how to get started, so you’re well on your way to adding this useful practice to your life. 

Start & End Your Day With A Little Self Care 

Like any new habit, adding self-care into your life can seem kind of tricky. You probably wonder how you’ll manage to find time to do anything extra for yourself, let alone how you’ll actually remember to do these things. One of the best ways to get started is to build your activities into predictable parts of your day. In order to make something a habit, it has to happen regularly. Keep reading, and I’ll show you some tricks to making self-care a routine part of your life. 

Make It Personal

The first thing that will help you in creating your self-care rituals is to choose activities that are meaningful to you and that you enjoy. This is your practice, so you want to be sure it’s customized in order to get the most out of it. Consider making a list of things that help you to feel relaxed, peaceful, excited or happy. These activities should be able to be done in a short amount of time and easily fit into your life without special equipment or tools. At least as you begin your practice, the things you choose to do should be as simple as possible. 

Fit It In

You should add your self-care rituals to the most convenient parts of your day. Choose times that are already somewhat flexible so that incorporating something new into that space will be less stressful. Many people go with morning or evening routines, right when they wake up and before going to sleep each night. Getting up fifteen minutes earlier than usual and setting aside a window during the usual night-time schedule are usually things most folks can do. However, maybe designating your daily lunch break as your self-care time might work better for you. Consider activities like writing a gratitude journal entry before bed, listening to music while having your morning coffee or going for a short walk over your lunch hour. Trial and error may be required, but find a moment to call your own every day. 

Be Flexible

It’s best to come up with a routine that works for you and stick to it. Committing to a particular schedule will help you to create a habit and ensure that you get the self-care you need. However, try to cut yourself some slack. Some days are more hectic than others. You may not be able to fit in your anticipated self-care activity, and that’s okay. Tomorrow is a new day, and you can try again. Soon, you’ll find yourself wanting to take part in these rituals, and getting back on track will be easy. 

Getting into the practice of regular self-care doesn’t have to be difficult. Making a few adjustments to your existing schedule can free up some space in your day. Choose things that will refresh you and that are simple in nature will make getting started a breeze. 

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Try Something New Today To Care For Yourself 

Creating habits and adding activities to your calendar help increase your chances of sticking with your new routine. Another way to keep things interesting is to treat yourself to things you’ve always wanted to do. Adding new and novel experiences to your self-care routine is like giving yourself a little gift every day. It’s a great way to stay motivated to do things to care for yourself. 

Pamper Yourself

Taking physical care of yourself in a pampering way makes us feel good. Pampering is a go-to for many people when it comes to their self-care routine. Think of something you’ve never done before. It doesn’t have to be expensive. A small act of indulgence can have the same effect as an extravagant one. Maybe consider scheduling a manicure if you’ve never had one. A bubble bath with candles can be soothing if this is something you don’t do very often. If your budget will allow, a spa day with a friend could rejuvenate your body and spirit. 

Celebrate Today

Most of us don’t buy ourselves presents very often or even give ourselves little treats. You can change that starting now. Think of something within your budget you’ve been wanting for a while now. Then give yourself permission to buy it. Maybe it’s that snazzy pair of shoes you’ve had your eye on or the cell phone upgrade that would make your life easier. Giving yourself one gift, no matter how small, can be a boost to your self-worth. 

Enjoy the Little Things

Self-care really doesn’t have to be on a grand scale. The tiniest gestures can be the most meaningful. Indulging in small free or low-cost treats allows you to spoil yourself more often. What are some little things you’ve never done for yourself that you can start adding to your life today? Have you ever bought yourself flowers? Give it a try. You’ll get a boost every time you see that beautiful bouquet on your table or desk. Think of your favorite food item, the one you have on special occasions. Why not make one day a week a little more special by trying a new version of it? For example, commit yourself to taste a new truffle each week at your favorite cholate shop. Get creative with it.

Adding new experiences to your self-care routine keeps things interesting and can also help make them more meaningful. The novelty will also expand your world and enrich your life. Plus, it’s just fun!

Make A List Of 5 Simple Self-Care Routines You Can Fall Back On When Needed

Beneficial habits like self-care often go by the wayside during stressful times. It can be difficult to focus on anything but the bare minimum when life gets hard. The fact is, though, that these are the days when you most need to take care of yourself. One way to have a self-care toolkit to help you out during these instances. Having a list of self-care routines can make it easier for you to implement them when needed. There are some other tricks you can employ to get you through the tough times, too. Keep reading, and I’ll share them with you. 

Make a List

Let’s start with your self-care backup plan. This is a list of at least five activities you can easily fit into your life during the most stressful periods. Having such a reminder on hand will let you gain the benefits of caring for yourself without having to think about it too much. This list can include simple reminders like going to bed early so you get enough sleep, eating nourishing food to keep your energy up, or asking for help you need it because these are all things you might forget when you’ve got a ton on your plate. During times of trouble, the very basic foundations of self-care can be the most important. 

Make a Care Package

Another way to boost your chances of keeping self-care at the focus during hard times is to prepare a care package ahead of time. This can include some of your favorite little indulgences like a good book, herbal teas, facial mask, fuzzy slippers, and classical CD. Include anything that brings you joy. Being able to reach for this package when you’re stressed can mean the world and make a huge difference to your outlook. 

Involve Your Crew

When things look bleak, you may require a bit of help to get back on track. That’s why it’s a good idea to reach out to trusted friends and family now to enlist their help for the future. Talk to your closest confidantes and let them know you would like them to always encourage your self-care routine. Share with them the benefits it’s provided you and tell them you’d appreciate their assistance if they see you aren’t caring for yourself as well as you should be. Sometimes those who know us best can see things we don’t. When your crew knows to look out for you in this regard, they can reinforce your self-care needs during times of stress. 

Taking steps to plan now can make maintaining your self-care routine easier in the future. Always remember it’s during the hardest times that you need to nurture yourself the most. 

Self-Care Doesn’t Have To Cost Anything 

Lots of people get the wrong idea about self-care. They think they have to be deserving of it. They feel like it’s splurging to do something good for themselves. It can seem extravagant. I’d like to change that mindset today. Self-care is something you deserve. Everyone does. It benefits us all, along with those around us, when we put our own well-being at the forefront. You can’t take care of others when your own well-being is suffering. Let’s take a look at some free and low-cost ways you can care for yourself. 

Take a Time Out

Sometimes just a little bit of alone time is all you need to feel rejuvenated. So why not give yourself a time out? Lock yourself in your room with a nice cup of tea. Listen to some quiet music. Just sit still and think for a bit. It’s a luxury we all can afford.

Waste Some Time

We often feel pressured to be productive all the time. Being busy is a sign of worth and accomplishment. However, it really doesn’t have to be that way. Just kicking back and doing nothing is important to recharge our batteries. Let yourself have some downtime to do something frivolous like binge on your favorite Netflix show, take a nap or just sit and pet your cat. You deserve it. 

Do Some Writing

Even if you don’t consider yourself a writer, journaling can be a very therapeutic activity. Jotting down what you’re grateful for has been proven to be beneficial to well-being. It can also be energizing to simply do a brain dump in which you write down all the things that are floating around in your head. Jotting down dreams for the future might inspire and motivate you to take action. Give it a try. 

Reach Out to Someone

Socializing is a crucial part of self-care. Even introverts benefit from interpersonal connection. Humans aren’t meant to be isolated. Pick up the phone and call a friend you haven’t talked to in a while. Sit down and Skype with your favorite internet pal. Meeting up in person for a walk together or a cup of coffee is even better. Connecting to others might just provide the spark you’ve been missing. 

Change Your Perspective

A change of scenery can be a wonderful source of renewal, and it doesn’t have to cost a lot. Just heading out to walk in your neighborhood might help when you’re feeling stir-crazy in your home. If you’re able to afford it, a low-cost staycation to a nearby location for a day or two is a fun way to switch things up. You’ll be surprised what this change of perspective can do for you. 

While these are just a few of the countless ways you can indulge in self-care without spending much money, perhaps they’re just the jumpstart you need to begin exploring this concept. You truly do deserve to spend time, energy, and effort on your own well-being. 

Don’t Feel Guilty For Practicing Self-Care


There are a lot of complex reasons for this within our society. Despite what anyone else may say, you deserve to focus on your own needs. In fact, it’s good for those you love when you take care of yourself. You truly can’t fill another’s cup if your own is empty. So, I’d like to take this opportunity to emphasize why you shouldn’t feel guilty for practicing self-care and encourage you to do so in every area of your life. 

It’s Not Selfish

First and foremost, you must understand that taking time to care for yourself is not selfish in any way. It may be hard to get past the mindset that the needs of others are more important than your own, but overcoming this mindset is essential to allowing yourself to adequately meet your own needs. Care isn’t a zero-sum concept. When you care for yourself, it doesn’t have to mean you don’t care about others. 

It’s Necessary 

Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. It really is like the airplane air mask comparison. You have to ensure you can breathe before you can help those around you. If you’re tired, rundown and overwhelmed all the time, you absolutely cannot give your best self to others. You also can’t offer yourself the very best. Remember that self-care isn’t selfish. 

It Sets a Good Example

If you’re a parent, investing in self-care is not only good for you, it sets a good example for your kids. Even if you don’t have children, taking the time to care for yourself might be inspiring or motivational for those around you. In order for a stigma to end, it has to be normalized. When more of us let the world around us know why self-care matters, they may begin to change their minds about the concept, as well. 

It Demands Respect

It also sets a precedent for how you expect others to treat you. When you demonstrate that you value yourself and that you find it worth investing time in yourself, they will respond in kind. Learning to say no and set boundaries is good for your relationships. It teaches others how you expect to be treated and makes it clear that you see yourself as a priority. There’s no reason to feel guilty for that. 

It will take time to overcome a lifetime of message society has given you and you’ve internalized. With practice, you can come to see the benefits of self-care and that it doesn’t have to be something that causes guilt. 

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Tips To Continue To Take Care Of Yourself Going Forward

Self-care is a process. It requires practice and dedication if you want to make it stick. Don’t get discouraged if it takes time to make this new concept a part of your life. It’ll get easier, and you’ll probably find yourself craving your self-care activities so much you’ll wonder how you ever lived without them. However, there will inevitably be times that are busier or more stressful when self-care may go by the wayside. If you find that happening, be sure to follow these tips to continue to take care of yourself going forward. 

Follow Your Gut

Sometimes we get so busy that we find ourselves living on auto-pilot. That’s only natural during hectic times, but it’s critical that you make an attempt to listen to your instincts during these times to know whether you’re in need of a boost. When you start to feel especially frazzled or fatigued, that’s not a cue to double down and work harder. It’s your body and mind telling you that you need a break. Listen to them. Along these lines, look for other unusual signs that things are off-balance with you such as irritability, eating poorly, losing sleep or indulging in bad habits. These things are telling you to take care of yourself. 

Schedule It In

A trick that helps some people to fit self-care into their schedules when life gets busy is to actually write it in their datebook or calendar. Treat your self-care commitments like any other appointment or event. Write down the time you’ll start and finish. Try to be specific about the activity you’ll engage in. Doing these things will increase the odds that you’ll actually follow through. It’s easy to put yourself on the back burner when life gets crazy, but don’t forget that these are the times you need self-care the most. 

Create a Plan

Developing a self-care plan is crucial to maintaining your well-being. I shared some ideas in a previous blog post about how to do this. Let’s review a bit, as it’s so important to have a self-care toolkit at your disposal during life’s busiest and most stressful periods. Keep your emergency self-care list and your care package together so they’re easily accessed when you need them. You also make sure there’s a list of trusted contacts to call when you might need some self-care encouragement and accountability. Your tribe can provide the motivation and support you need to take care of yourself. 

One final word. Take time to assess your self-care needs regularly. This will also help to keep you on track. Ask yourself once a week or so if you’re giving yourself enough time and attention. Listen to your instincts. Make adjustments as necessary. Self-care is an ongoing and evolving process. It requires your constant attention. 

8 Money Blocks that Keep Entrepreneurs Broke & How to Overcome Them! (FREE Journaling Questions!)

Kendra had spent years telling herself that she was bad with money. Because of this, she didn’t even try to manage her finances. Instead, she’d check her bank account and if there was money in it, she’d spend it.

Unfortunately, this bad habit followed Kendra as she started her own business. It seemed she was always running short on cash and for a long time, she blamed herself for being “bad”. 

But a friend challenged her to take radical responsibility for her money. He encouraged her to track her spending daily and figure out where all her money was going.

This was a game changer for Kendra. Suddenly, she saw how her choices one week were affecting her choices the next week. She let go of the idea that she was bad with money and chose to embrace learning about money instead.

Kendra isn’t alone. Many people have false beliefs around money. These false beliefs are sometimes referred to as “money blocks”. A money block is a mindset issue that’s holding you back from reaching your financial goals. 

Today, let’s examine eight money blocks. We’ll also dive deep into how entrepreneurs like you and Kendra can overcome them…

Money Is a Limited Resource

A common money block is the belief that money is a limited resource. This type of belief happens when income is variable or when there are periods without enough money to cover the bills. 

When you have variable income or earn less than you need, it’s often a struggle to overcome a scarcity mindset. You can fall into the trap of believing that when money comes in, it needs to be used up because you don’t know when it’ll come around again.

You Can Make More Money 

If this sounds familiar, it’s time for a new perspective. What you need to understand is that you can always make more money. There will always be numerous opportunities as well as resources that you can turn to. 

But when you live from a place of abundant thinking, your actions begin to flow in alignment with these thoughts. Instead of hoarding every penny that comes in and living fearfully, you’ll see the value in investing in yourself and your business. 

As you do this, you’ll make more money because you’re taking action steps with your money so that it begins to multiply. 

You Can Let Money Flow to You

If you’re worried about how you’re going to make ends meet and all you can see in your mind’s eye is unmet needs, it can be hard to think positive about your situation. But worrying about your finances won’t change the matter. 

Instead, change your focus. Stop directing your attention toward all the things that currently beyond your ability to do anything about. You may not be able to change anything about your finances overnight, but you can develop a positive mindset that helps you see solutions.

When you look at what’s within your ability to change, the energy of your situation is altered. You’ll see what you are capable of and what your money is able to do in the moment. 

Put aside the scarcity mindset and instead embrace positive energy. This releases you from your money block and gives you a renewed perspective. 

You Don’t Have to Work Harder

Sometimes, this money block creates a false belief in your head. You think that if you just work hard, you’re going to make all the money that you need. If you don’t have enough money to make ends meet, then it means you have to try harder. 

This belief keeps many entrepreneurs stuck on a cycle of working longer hours, taking on part time jobs and facing a serious case of burnout. In the end, you still don’t have enough. 

Hustle isn’t a bad thing. But working hard when it’s not getting you where you want to be is. Remember that being a successful entrepreneur who makes abundant money isn’t just about the work you put in. It’s about having a strategy, so the seasons of hustle grow your business long-term.

Journaling Questions

In what ways is a scarcity mindset holding you back?

Do you believe that you can always make more money?

Have you ever experienced the essence of having money simply “flow” to you?

When are you tempted to fall into the trap of simply working harder? 

What could you do differently in your next season of hustle?

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I’m Not Worthy of Money

It can be tempting to tie your sense of self-worth up in money. You might believe that you don’t deserve money because of a traumatic childhood, a poverty mentality, or self-esteem issues.

When you allow yourself to believe that you’re not worthy of money, you create a negative mindset that affects every area of your business. You begin to believe you’ll never earn enough because you can’t measure up.

Money Does Not Give Worth

Your money situation is not a reflection on your value as a human being. However, you may feel this isn’t true and that’s because there’s an underlying root belief that you need to address. 

Sometimes, it could be that you experienced financial uncertainty in your childhood. Children that heard parents arguing over a lack of money can develop fearfulness and believe that like their parents, they won’t have the money to provide what they need. 

Or, you may have grown up in a wealthy household and the focus on money was that each family member’s self-worth was tied in with financial achievements. 

It could be that you had a controlling spouse who financially abused you. If you were made to feel like you couldn’t handle money, this can create a sense that you’re not worthy. Maybe you were made to feel like you had to account for every penny and that you couldn’t be trusted financially. 

Money Might Be Tied to Shame in Your Mind

Sometimes a money block occurs due to shame. If you’re someone who made financial mistakes in the past, it can be easy to link the past with money. You give yourself a label that sticks with you and creates a false inner narrative that you’re not worthy of money because you “blew it” before. 

Another reason that some people experience shame around money is simply not having the financial education necessary to make wise money choices. This leads you to believe that money is shameful or that you’re not good with it.

You Are More Than Your Money Story 

To overcome this belief, you need to address your inner shame. By addressing it, you can heal yourself and release this money block.

Healing yourself can involve various steps such as choosing to love yourself and acknowledging past mistakes. Change your inner narrative so that it’s positive and affirms your belief that you are worthy of good things and you are worthy of money. 

Journaling Questions

How often do you find yourself feeling unworthy of money?

What situations around money trigger feelings of unworthiness?

Why do you feel ashamed or unworthy of money?

What if you spoke love over yourself regarding money? What might you say? 

Money Is the Root of All Evil

A money block that’s ingrained in some people is the idea that money is the root of all evil. This belief can make you afraid to make money or to hold onto it. 

As a result, you either don’t take steps toward growing your business or you spend every dime as soon as you get it. Doing these two things keeps you broke and, in your mind, you believe you’re not “evil” because you don’t have money.

Game Changer: What If Money Is a Tool?

What if you thought of money as simply a tool? It’s not good and it’s not bad. It just exists to serve your needs. What you decide to do with money is what has the potential to change everything. 

Do Good with Your Money

You can decide that you’re going to use your money to bring good to your life and to the lives of others. For example, you might decide that you’re going to use your money to donate to a third world organization that builds orphanages for children in need. 

Then your money is being used not only for good but also as a way to change lives and give back to those who may not have the same opportunities that you have. 

Or you can use your money to donate to people who are struggling to get by. You can use it to help the homeless. To pay a struggling college student’s tuition bill. 

Care for Your Family with Your Money

You might use your money in your life to pay your bills, to put food on the table and to take care of your family. All of those are good things and certainly not evil. 

Some entrepreneurs use money to care for aging parents, give their kids educational opportunities they never received, or help a spouse who’s going through a job loss. These are beautiful examples of using money for good!

Invest in Yourself with Your Money

This is a tricky issue for some people. If you’ve been raised to believe that money is evil then you might think that investing in yourself is selfish or unkind. But the opposite is actually true.

The more you invest in yourself, the more you have to give back to others. That’s what Tanya discovered when she decided to invest in yourself by purchasing a pricey coaching program that helped entrepreneurs become more confident.

The more her confidence increased, the more she was able to show up in her business and better serve her clients. This led to even more money and allowed Tanya to help her sister pay off her student loans and start pursuing her passion.

Money Reveals the Heart

The truth is that money doesn’t change you. It doesn’t turn a good person into an evil one. Money only reveals what’s in your heart. How you use money will point out what you believe and what your values are. 

Spend some time today considering your values. Then list three ways you can use money to manifest that value in your life and the lives of those around you. For example, Tanya decided she values creativity. Her list looked like this:

  • Self: Take art classes

  • Family: Help sister pay off student loans and start her photography business

  • Community: Buy art supplies for a retirement home

As you can see, Tanya highlighted three ways that she could use money to express her values in a positive way. You can do the same exercise to see the good that you can create with your money!

Journaling Questions:

In what ways do you believe money is evil?

How would your life and business change if you believed money is simply a tool? 

How would you like to use money to invest in yourself this month?

What is your highest value? What’s the most important thing for you?

 How can you use money to reveal this value? 

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I’m Not in It for the Money

Some entrepreneurs struggle with a money block because they believe they’re not working for a profit. This is a common money issue for those who come from a ministry background or non-profit work. 

It could be that somewhere along the line, you encountered a narrative that made you feel like you should only focus on the giving side of what you’re doing. You may feel like not making money means you’re doing the “right” thing. 

You Can Give and Make Money

While it’s great to be someone who gives, you can do that and still make money. Earning money enables you to joyfully serve your customers.

When you’re earning a living from your services or products, you can show up as the best version of yourself. That’s because you’re not worried about how you’ll pay your light bill or what you’ll eat tomorrow. Instead, you’re able to be fully present with your clients and customers.

Your Energy Is Valuable 

Not only do your service or products take time away from you, they also consume your energy. You only have a limited amount of energy to give and it’s more than fair to be expected to receive compensation for it. 

Maybe you’ve had someone take you out for coffee to pick your brain for five minutes and the next thing you know, it turned into a 3-hour review of their entire business model. Your time isn’t the only thing you gave. You also gave precious mental energy to this other person, reviewing their business and giving them suggestions for improvement.

You Can Choose When to Give

Giving doesn’t have to be an “all or nothing” situation. You can give some of the time but still make money the rest of the time. You can set boundaries on your giving, so it honors both you and the receiver. 

For example, if your passion is helping young entrepreneurs, you might set aside one hour each week to mentor another entrepreneur. If your passion is bringing art to underprivileged children, then you might set aside 10% of your earnings to donate to your favorite art program.

Choosing when to give allows you to protect your resources like your time and energy while still providing you with the chance to help others.

Journaling Questions:


When are you tempted to believe you’re not in it for the money?

Do you truly believe you can give and still make money?

Why do you think your energy and expertise are less valuable than someone else’s?

What ways would you like to give back that still honor your time and energy? 

Money Fixes Everything

Some people mistakenly believe that money fixes everything. Whatever is wrong in your life, you may think that you’ll be OK if you can just get some money to fix it.

It’s tempting to equate money with power. While money does give you options in life, it’s not a solution. In fact, money is rarely the solution to any problem.

What Money Can’t Do

Money doesn’t have the power to fix relationship issues. No amount of money can mend fractures between a couple. It can’t heal emotional wounds between parents and children or between friends. It can’t restore feelings or solve relationship problems that stem from a lack of communication. 

Money can’t make you feel better about yourself no matter how much of it you get or spend. When you have self-esteem issues, having money won’t change that. It might be able to mask the feelings of low self-worth, but it won’t make them go away. Whatever you quiet with money always comes roaring back. 

Maybe you think because you’re in business, it’s a different story. If you’re struggling with business problems, you might have the money to hire a coach to help you with the issue, but you still have to act on their advice. 

Money won’t do the hard work for you. If you listen to the advice but continue on your path as if you never heard the words you needed to hear, nothing will change. 

Get to the Root of the Money Issue

Throwing money at a problem is never the answer. That’s because there’s always a root cause whenever there’s not enough money. Maybe it’s being spent unwisely, or it’s not budgeted correctly. Perhaps you overspend by a thousand dollars a month. 

When you have money problems, practice self-evaluation. Often, you’ll discover that the issue lies within your mindset. If you have a scarcity mindset, this frequently leads to inaction so you can better yourself. 

Don’t Use Money as A Bandage

It’s tempting sometimes to use money to put a bandage over a bleeding wound. For example, your taxes are due. You run a big sale and bring in more than enough to cover what’s due. 

But you fail to make a plan to prevent the same situation from happening. Next year, you’re right back in the same position. You used money as a bandage, rather than looking for the permanent solution.

Realize that money will only do what you tell it to do. If you struggle with negative thoughts about your business, money can get you a fancy social media campaign. But it can’t fix your mindset. Only by addressing your money mindset will you find the strength to embrace change.

Journaling Questions:

What have you tried to fix with more money? How did it work out?

What’s a problem you’re facing right now? Would money solve it?

Looking at the problem you’re facing right now, what could you do to solve it?

When have you used money as a bandage? What do you really need instead?

I’m Not Good with Money

Having the false belief that you’re not good with money can create a money block that will keep you from achieving your financial goals. This will keep you stuck in the same rut for months or years to come. 

Address Your Lack of Confidence

Thinking that you’re not good with money can be caused by a lack of confidence. There can be lots of reasons for this. It could be caused because someone told you that you weren’t good with money and you took that to heart and made it your reality even if it wasn’t true. 

Having a lack of confidence could be caused by your financial picture. You’ve examined your finances and don’t like what you see. 

Maybe you’re someone who doesn’t have a budget. When you see articles on how important one is, this can make you believe, you’re just not good with money. Otherwise, you think you would have a budget.

But it could be that you don’t have a budget because you haven’t found a program that works for you. You tried one and because it was too complicated, you gave up. That doesn’t mean you’re not good with money. 

An Income Ceiling Could Be the Problem

Maybe you’re in a situation where your finances are the same year after year. Your income never goes up and you begin to doubt that you’re handling your money correctly. 

It could be that the type of work you’re in has an income ceiling and you’ve simply hit it. This means it’s time to try another avenue or go after another stream of income to achieve your financial goals.

Failing to Plan for the Future Creates Financial Stress

A lack of planning for the future can make you think that you’re not good with money. This occurs when you don’t have an emergency fund or any type of long-term savings plan that lets you budget for annual expenses.

The reason you don’t plan for the future could be because you fear the future or dealing with money brings up insecurities. 

For example, if you went through a nasty divorce two years ago then dealing with long-term money plans might make you afraid of being alone for the rest of your life. But avoiding thoughts of the future only creates financial stress.

Getting clear on why you don’t believe you’re good with money is important. You can’t heal your relationship with money until you understand what caused the wound in the first place. 

Journaling Questions:

What situations make you feel as if you’re not good with money?

Where does this belief stem from?

What can you do to overcome this belief? 

Who do you know that you could talk about your money issues with? 

Money Determines My Level of Success

A common money block is the thinking that money determines your level of success. You might believe if you have plenty of money that you’re doing great in business and are a successful person. 

This means that you might also believe if you don’t have much money then you’re a failure. But that line of thinking is placing the value of your self-worth on something that can fluctuate rapidly.

Money Isn’t A Measuring Tool

Money is simply an outward sign of the value you’re bringing. The greater the value you’re offering, the greater the dollars you’ll have. When you have a resource that people need, the value goes up. It’s not a reflection of success. It’s a reflection of a need that’s being met. 

Stop Chasing Success

If you’ve been chasing success for as long as you can remember and it seems to continually elude you, then the problem is usually centered around a money block. Chasing success is the wrong mentality. 

Instead, choose to chase value. Keep your focus on giving more value to customers or clients. When you do that, the money will naturally flow. When you have a service or a product that people need and you have a reputation for giving value, it creates a powerful energy that draws people toward you. 

Determine What Success Looks Like to You

Success is something that can be measured in many different ways. For some entrepreneurs, success is having enough money to be able to feed their families and pay all their bills. For others, they might define it as being able to go on lavish vacations repeatedly throughout the year. 

It’s important that you take time and examine what you believe success looks like. Keep in mind that there’s no right or wrong answer here. 

Release Money from Its Role as Validator

It can be harmful to associate money with your self-esteem. If you do that, you’ll feel great when the money is flowing and bad when it’s not. Never let your happiness be measured with dollar signs. 

Instead, get clear on what you think success means for your life outside of money. When you determine that, you’ll understand that whether you have money or not, you’ll still be happy. 

Journaling Questions:

What makes you feel successful?

Do you believe that money is a reflection of the value you bring? Why or why not?

Have you ever found yourself chasing success? What happened?

When have you allowed money to validate you?

 

I Can't Have Money & Do What I Love

There’s a common money block that involves enjoying what you do and making money. For many people, they believe they can’t do what they love and earn a good income. This misconception is rooted in common myths about work and money. 

You Don’t Have to Be Miserable

Some people have the limiting belief that to make money you must be miserable. This mindset is a foundation that’s usually laid out in childhood. 

You may have had a parent who worked at a job that were unhappy with. Maybe they constantly complained about their job and dreaded getting up in the morning and going to work. This creates a belief that working equals misery. 

Perhaps it wasn’t a parent. Maybe you were the one mistreated by a boss. As a result, you began to associate being miserable with making money and you’ve always thought this is just how life is.

Hit Reset

If this sounds like you, then it’s time to hit the reset button. You need to realize that it’s OK to do what you love. You can be happy with your work. You can look forward to what you do. 

Some people believe that doing what you love to make money means you’re selfish. But keep in mind that your happiness makes the world a better place. It’s better for your family because happier people can have stronger relationships. 

Charge What You’re Worth

Boldly charge what you’re worth. Ask for the value that you bring to the table and trust that those who truly want to partner with you will joyfully meet your asking price. If you bring your clients $50K in results from your expertise, then it’s more than fair to charge $20K for your services. 

Always charge the full value of what you do and don’t underestimate the worth of your expertise, time, and energy. Don’t make the mistake of underestimating what you bring to the table and are able to do for your customers. 

Not only does charging what you’re worth allow you to show up for your customers, it also ensures you’re more likely to enjoy the work. It makes you happier and that in turn has a ripple effect across your life and the lives of those around you.

Journaling Questions:

When are you tempted to believe that you have to be miserable to make money?

Do you believe you can work from a place of joy and abundance?

Are you happy with the money you’re making right now? Why or why not?

Money Blocks Can Be Overcome

Regardless of which money block you’re facing, hold tight to this truth: any money block can be overcome. It might take time, patience, and working with a smart money coach. But it is possible. 

Imagine how good you’ll feel when you’ve finally overcome your money block and you can joyfully earn more and create a business that lights you up and makes the world a better place!

How to Identify and Improve Your Mindset in 2022

What Is a Mindset and Why Does It Matter

 

“There isn’t a person anywhere who isn’t capable of doing more than he thinks he can.” – Henry Ford

 

How often have you heard someone say to open your mind or that someone has a closed mind about something? Most people have heard or said this at some point. Your mindset about specific issues and life, itself, is often set in certain ways, as you age.

 

If you aren’t clear on what a mindset is, or why mindsets matter, you won’t know what you need to do to change or grow. In this article, you’ll learn what mindset is and why that matters to your success.

 

Your mindset determines what you experience and the ideas you are open to. Your mindset sets your success in life, love, and business. Your mindset can be fixed in some ways about certain situations and ideas or you might have a growth mindset that allows you to grow as a person and live a happier life.

 

Mindset, according to Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck, is the view you adopt, which determines how you live your life, you see the world, and make decisions. In other words, it is your perspective or your view of the world. It’s your beliefs about your abilities and qualities that form how you do things or see things. It’s your normal attitude or mental state.

 

Think about your strengths or talents. Are you musically inclined? Are you wise or intuitive? Are you creative? How you answer these questions defines your mindset and provides clues as to how you view the world and yourself. Your mindset shapes your reality and your perception of what you can do and what’s out of reach for you.

 

Your mindset can be optimistic, negative or a mixture of both. Your mindset can be that of a person with a sunny outlook on life, an athlete’s focus on success or a business owner’s methodical way of thinking.

 

There are different types of mindsets as well. The fixed mindset and the growth mindset are the two main ones that determine how you see things. You might have a social mindset, a fear mindset, lazy or envy mindset. Maybe you have a business mindset, a follower mindset or a dreamer mindset. You can possess a creative mindset, a confident mindset, or have a gratitude mindset. Your mindset might be one of greed or angry. You can have different mindsets about different areas of your life as well.

 

Why Mindset Matters

 

The mindset plays a significant role in how you cope with challenges. When you were in school, if you had an open or growth mindset helped you achieve more and learn by putting in more effort. Your mindset can determine how resilient or persistent you are.

 

Your mindset determines how successful you will be in every area of your life. For example, someone with a growth mindset is much more likely to succeed because they are driven and believe to always aim for bigger and better things. Those with a closed or fixed mindset become stagnant, lacking motivation to achieve more than they already have.

 

Your mindset is the force behind whether you thrive or avoid challenges, how you view failures and setbacks and how you persevere toward your goals. You can change your mindset when you realize it’s keeping your stuck. Fixed vs. Growth Mindset

 

“Remember, no more effort is required to aim high in life, to demand abundance and prosperity than is required to accept misery and poverty.” ~ Napoleon Hill

 

Stanford psychologist, Carol Dweck, relates in her insightful book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success (public library), there are two types of mindsets: a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. These mindsets are what we consider our personality.

 

A fixed mindset is one where it’s assumed our character, creative ability and intelligence are fixed traits that cannot be changed. These people believe their basic abilities are what you are born with and they will only ever have a certain amount.

 

People with a fixed mindset always want to appear intelligent since they don’t believe intelligence can be modified. They fear appearing dumb to others believing they will always look that way once others see them as being unintelligent.

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Some common fixed mindset thoughts include:

 

  • ·       Either I'm good at something, or I'm not.

  • ·       I can't learn now; it's too late.

  • ·       There's no point in trying if I'm going to fail.

  • ·       I always struggle with...

  • ·       I’m a procrastinator.

  • ·       I’m not creative.

  • ·       It’s hard for me to lose weight.

 

Growth mindset, on the other hand, is the belief that their abilities and intelligence is and can grow with time and experience. They believe they can become smarter, that their efforts effect their success and with persistence they can learn.

 

Those with a growth mindset believe their basic ability is only the starting point for their true potential. The growth mindset creates a passion for learning rather than a constant need for approval.

 

Some common growth mindset thoughts include:

 

  • ·       I can always become better at something through practice.

  • ·       I can learn whatever I want or need to, exactly when I need to learn it.

  • ·       I see failures as opportunities to learn, to reassess, and to do better next time.

  • ·       I can always do better at something if I want to, but it will take effort.

  • ·       Determination and effort are the measures of my outcomes

  • ·       I enjoy learning and growing, and learning is a lifetime pursuit for me.

 

There are key differences between a fixed and growth mindset. Challenge is one of them. A person with a fixed mindset will shy away from a challenge, often from fear of failure. They may go into hiding to avoid responsibilities. The growth mindset person is excited by challenges. The find them engaging and a key in learning something valuable from the experiences. They master the challenge and move to greater accomplishments.

 

Another key difference is in how each faces mistakes and feedback. A person with a fixed mindset is embarrassed by making mistakes. They blame others or become defensive when criticized. The growth mindset person sees mistakes as a learning lesson. They are less likely to take criticism personally. They are open to criticism believing it helps improve their ability to do better next time.

 

If you find you have a fixed mindset and you genuinely want to change, you can. It will take practice, determination, being more aware of your thoughts, and anticipating what reactions you’re likely to have to situations. With these efforts, you benefit by having a more open, growth mindset that can lead to success in every area of your life.

How Changing Your Mindset Can Improve Your Life

 

“See yourself living in abundance and you will attract it. It always works, it works every time, with every person.” - Bob Proctor

 

You probably don’t constantly think about how your mindset affects your life. You have always thought this way, either as a result of how you were raised or through other circumstances. Your mindset in fact does affect your life. By changing how you think you can improve your life.

 

Abundance mindset, scarcity mindset, fear mindset, fixed mindset, growth mindset, confident mindset and many others are all different types of mindsets we have. Each unconscious and conscious belief affects our lives every moment.

 

According to the research of Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, the power of our beliefs, both conscious and unconscious, and how changing even the simplest of them can have profound impact on nearly every aspect of our lives.

 

When you change your mindset you become more creative, more artistic, more intelligent, more successful, more athletic, and more fulfilled.

 

Here are some ways changing your mindset to an abundance or growth mindset can improve your life.

 

  1. You aren’t afraid to step out of your comfort zone. Changing your mindset to one of growth allows you to see the many different paths available to you in whatever you are seeking-job advancement, creative outlets or something more personal. This allows you to move forward rather than being stuck in the same place.

  2. When you change your mindset, you see there is plenty of resources to go around. Even though there will be competition you will see the opportunities in every aspect of your life.

  3. You become comfortable sharing ideas without feeling threatened or intimidated, which leads to better choices, environments and relationships. You aren’t afraid of being a part of a team and participating in group situations.

  4. Changing your mindset to one of growth helps you build better personal and romantic relationships. You realize people will always have differences. You learn that a relationship involves learning about and from each other, you grow together and develop skills to work well together.

  5. You’ll begin to judge yourself and others less. You won’t have time to waste on judging others are saying or doing. Instead you’ll be focusing on making progress in your life.

  6. The change to a growth mindset has you accepting constructive criticism for what it is and using it to grow from. The growth mindset helps you be more confident because you won’t need validation to reassure you that you’re doing it right.

 

You can change your mindset. And it will improve your life. Your skills can be cultivated, learned, practiced and grown.  You no longer worry about what will happen. Instead you will commit to the process of doing, finishing and learning along the way.

 

Changing your mindset helps you become a better person, improves your skills and helps you build relationships. You will step out of your comfort zone to go after what you want and believe you will get it.

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Signs It's Time to Change Your Mindset

 

“The key to abundance is to stop needing more, and to start appreciating what you already have.” – Anonymous

 

Everyone is talking about changing your mindset to manifest what you desire. How do you know when it’s time to change your mindset? After all, you’ve been thinking the same way for as long as you can remember. Or maybe you’ve had rough patch and your attitude has gotten out of whack. When you start having more negative days than good ones, then it’s time to change your mindset. These are some of the reasons you may want to change your mindset.

 

Our mindset it what produces the thoughts we have. That is the attitude that shapes our thinking which controls our actions and how we feel about things. If you have a negative attitude, then your thoughts start blaming and thinking the worst. When you have positive or healthy thoughts, you create a better environment for yourself and those around you.

 

Six Signs it’s Time to Change Your Mindset

 

1.    You’re always focused on failure instead of succeeding. You feel angry and disappointed over every failure without celebrating your success. You constantly see yourself as a failure, unconsciously sending negative messages to your mind that you will fail at what ever you try to accomplish. Instead: Keep a success diary acknowledging every success each day, no matter how small.

 

2.    You have a victim mentality. You’ve been a victim of bad experiences or been hurt by others you love. Or you were traumatized from some event. You’re still holding onto those moments. Instead: Forgive and let go of the past.

 

3.    You have social media envy. You see the unnatural glamorous lifestyles of other people online, and it makes you feel worse about yourself. You devalue what you have. You focus on what you don’t have or aren’t doing. Instead: Think about what you do have and be show gratitude for it. There are billions of people on this planet and at least a billion would love to have your life.

 

4.    You see work as a chore. You dread going to work, complain about doing the work, or feel like it’s a burden. Instead, view your job as a means of providing value to others and as having an impact on you and others around you. Being able to work gives you the opportunity to contribute to society.

 

5.    You obsess about things you can’t control or change. You complain about what you can’t control like the weather, government, traffic and other people. Your mind is filled with everything you don’t like, rather than what you can control which is yourself. Identify how you can change and control your own actions and thoughts to make the experience more positive. Stop complaining and start taking actions that will bring you a greater sense of accomplishment and abundance.

 

6.    You lack gratitude for what you have. You focus on what is wrong with things or the world, or the inadequacies in yourself and others. Instead, acknowledge that no one is perfect, and everyone learns lessons as they go. Focus on identifying the positive things you are grateful for every day.

 

When you realize that the reason you rarely feel happy and content is because of a negative mindset, you know it’s time to change your mindset to feel better about yourself and attract more abundance into your life.

What Kind of Mindset Do You Have?

 

“If you look at what you have in your life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough.”- Oprah Winfrey

 

Your mindset is what compels you to take a certain action or leads you refrain from acting on something. Your mindset influences how you see yourself and those around you. The various types of mindsets can mean different things to each individual, regarding how and why you think like you do. Each mindset has benefits and drawbacks.

 

What kind of mindset do you have?

 

The number of mindsets that exist is dependent on how much you generalize mindset. Finding your type of mindset is key to understanding the mindset that factors into how you operate in every single area of your life. The two main types of mindsets are Fixed mindsets and Growth mindsets. Each has benefits and downsides.

 

If you have a fixed mindset, you tend to believe your skills or qualities are set and cannot be changed. You have a set belief about many things including your intelligence level, and your personality or character. These people tend to limit themselves and focus on proving themselves to others.

 

Some of the sub-mindsets of a fixed mindset include:

 

·       Fear mindset

·       Lazy mindset

·       Envy mindset

·       Greed mindset

·       Short-term mindset

·       Angry mindset

·       Follower mindset

 

Characteristics include:

 

1.    Blaming others for things that are wrong

2.    Lazy habits

3.    Relying on addictions

4.    Insatiable and always want more

5.    Self-absorbed, with little thought of others

6.    Limited initiative to achieve

7.    Obsessed with what others are do or say

8.    Waste time

9.    Come across in a negative way

 

If you have a growth mindset you are apt to believe you have a basic set of qualities that can be cultivated and developed through your efforts, strategies and help from others.

 

Some of the sub-mindsets of a growth mindset include:

 

·       Social mindset

·       Business mindset

·       Dreamer mindset

·       Gratitude mindset

·       Confident mindset

·       Creative mindset

 

Characteristics include:

·       Willing to help others

·       Solve problems

·       Think big and know what you want

·       Feel gratitude for what you have

·       Eager to learn

·       Dedication to achieve and grow

·       Able to change and develop skills

·       Embrace challenges

·       Learn from failures

 

What type of mindset is the basis of your thoughts and actions? Do you believe that you are just this way and cannot change? Do you believe you can change, and things can be different for you? The good news is you can change your mindset to one of growth and abundance.

Improving Your Social Life - Part Four

Developing Strong Social Ties in Your Family

Families develop their own micro-culture. This culture is a mixture of the morals, values, and practices the family has. Families tend to hold similar beliefs and one generation typically influences the next on important topics. As parents, if your typical idea of a great Friday night is to stay home and order pizza, that will likely become the standard for your entire family.

Families who embrace a healthy social life produce well-adjusted children who are comfortable being social and enjoy engaging outside of their family for fun. As a parent, your influence makes a big difference on how much and how comfortable your family is being social.

Being social starts young

Being social and having great social skills starts young. Taking your children with you when you shop, eat out, and do things in the community helps them see being in the car, engaging with others, and being on the go as common. The better your attitude about taking children out and about, the easier it is for everyone.

Being social includes extracurricular activities

Families who enroll their children in extracurricular activities make it possible for their children to learn directly and passively how to be social. Teachers, coaches, peers, and other adults all have an influence and impact on the social lives of children- both positively and negatively. Nonetheless, being part of a group setting helps children learn to be better listeners, teammates, and community members.

Being social includes cutting the cord

It can be hard, but part of fostering strong social ties includes allowing children to participate in social activities on their own. Age-appropriate activities for children help them develop socially and experience their own preferences whether that be group settings of more one-to-one experiences. Sometimes well-meaning parents can stifle a childís social growth by hovering or not allowing their children to explore socially.

Being social includes others

Encouraging your children to develop friendships and helping them have access to their friends in and out of your home matters. Encouraging friendship as primary support helps your child develop healthy ties to people outside of their family. This is vital when children leave home as young adults.

Creating strong social ties is an important part of raising a child. Being a model for healthy social activity and encouraging your children to be active and social helps them get along well and do better throughout life. Help your children be social and encourage them to enjoy a healthy social life.

Nature vs Nurture- How You Are and What You Experience Guides Your Social Life

Throughout the course of the last twenty days or so, we have discovered that a healthy social life is possible at any age. We know now that our personality plays a large role in what our preferences are for socializing. Weíve also learned how important it is for our health to be socially active.

It's a great time to remember two key things that influence our social lives-

Our natural tendencies

AND

How those tendencies were nurtured

We are a combo pack of our natural personalities and everything that happens to us. We are born with a certain innate way of being and from there our circumstances enhance or diminish those innate traits. Letís look at some examples-

An introvert who has consistently positive social experiences can develop an extroverted communication style. That means that someone who enjoys being alone and may, under some situations, come across as shy or aloof could override their natural tendencies and appear to be very outgoing. In this case, the consistent social exposure- despite being introverted and needing alone time to recharge, an introvert may be able to be highly social because of the positive experiences they have had.

Extroverts are born to shine and be social butterflies. What happens when an extrovert has a series of negative social experiences? It could result in more timid or passive behavior. In this case, the natural tendency to be socially active and engaged is interrupted and replaced with social anxiety and a diminished desire to be social. This can lead to depression or other mental health issues since the need to socialize isnít met in a healthy way. The extrovert might be avoiding social activities to protect their wounded psyche but need a social connection to feel better.

All of this is to say that our experiences throughout life impact our natural tendencies and can amplify or diminish them. If youíre seeking to create a happier, healthier social life itís important to look at how the nurtureÖor lack of it, influences your personality.

If you find that your personality and your social life arenít jiving, itís time to take some action. Here are some thoughts-

Talk to someone- If you are struggling socially, you might need a fresh perspective. Talk to someone you trust or a coach or therapist to help you sort through where the nurture part of your life is colliding with nature.

Make changes- Nothing in life is permanent. If you are unhappy with your social life and you realize youíre being impacted by the experiences youíve had in the past, make changes. If youíve had bad experiences, do what you need to do to move past them. If youíve had great experiences but still donít thoroughly enjoy your social life, make changes to customize your social life and feel even better.

Your natural way of being is greatly influenced by what happens around you. Surely there have been some impactful experiences that either made you feel more like yourself or less. Sort them out and see how they influence your social life. Once you begin to see things clearly, you can start to create a happy and healthy social life at any age.

Top People Who Influence Our Social Life

From the cradle to the grave we have an innate need to be social. Engaging with others and feeling a part of a community is important for our development, mental and physical health. When we are born, our parents and family have a major impact on our lives. Their loving care becomes the building blocks for a strong social foundation. Over time, more and more people influence our social life.

These influences can enhance or diminish our experiences socially and shape how healthy and happy our social lives are. Here are some of the typical influencers that shape our social life-

* Parents

* Siblings or close-contact relatives

* Teachers

* Coaches

* Care providers

Parents- Our parents are the primary source of social influence throughout our childhood and into adulthood. How they care for us and the modeling they do to encourage a healthy and happy social life makes an important impact.

Siblings and close relatives- Our siblings and those relatives closest to us create an extension of the impact our parents have. Generally speaking, our families have similar morals and values and the consistent messages really influence our beliefs. This includes how we socialize.

Teachers- Often times teachers are the first major influencers in our lives outside of our parents. Depending on when you begin school, the impact can start as early as pre-school. Teachers are a wonderful resource for intentionally teaching social skills through specific lesson plans as well as passively by modeling behaviors in the classroom.

Coaches- Like teachers, coaches have an important impact on our social lives. If you play team sports, being social can be competitive, and having good experiences helps. Good coaches can instill the right beliefs and skillsets to make being social easier and more fun.

Care providers- Whether we spend time with family, in care centers, or after school care, care providers can make a big impact on our social skills when we are young. Care providers are often a combination of nurturing adults, teachers, and friends. Their unique relationship to us as a child can really support our social growth.

As a child, there are many people who help shape our social development. As with anything, there may be one who stands out in very positive ways while another stands out in negative ways. As an adult, you can discern between who was a great influence and who wasnít and take the good and leave the bad behind. Either way, how you experience your social life is directly tied to the influences in your life as you were growing up.

Improving Your Social Life - Part Three

Can Introverts be Social…And Do They Want to Be?

There are a lot of misconceptions about introverts. At the top of the list is a false belief that introverts are shy or have social anxiety. Of course, that may be true for certain people but for the most part, being an introvert has nothing to do with shyness or being anxious around others.

The ratio of introverts to extroverts is 1 to 3 so most people are extroverts who thoroughly thrive in the presence of high-energy companies and live in group settings. For introverts, being in large groups for too long can cause exhaustion. Thatís because introverts gather their energy by being alone and express it by being with others; whereas extroverts need companionship to feel their best.

So, the question is can introverts be social…and do they want to be? The answer, of course, is absolutely YES! Introverts are social beings and rely on the community for many of the same reasons their counterpart extroverts do, just in a different way.

Introverts can and actually do enjoy being social in the right conditions

Introverts are introspective which means they process internally. They tend to be highly self-aware and excellent observers. They can read a room and recognize the dynamics at play quickly. Being this aware can be draining and sometimes the overload of outside information wears them out. Thatís why though they do enjoy being social, their threshold is lower for how much and how long they tend to be in crowds.

Most introverts like being anonymous in a crowd. It’s oftentimes fun to be out and about or attending a function without having to engage multiple people. They like the activity or the action of the event, but donít need constant connection with others at the same time.

When attending parties, it works well for introverts to attend smaller get-togethers with fewer people than they likely know well. Most introverts arenít great at small talk and avoid chatting on the phone or having a light conversation. This can make them appear shy or aloof and often misunderstood.

Introverts want to be social, but they also want to be alone

One of the best attributes of being an introvert is the ability to entertain oneself or enjoy the solitude that might cause depression in an extrovert. This can make it hard for introverts to take the step out the door to be more social. It can literally be a push/pull situation to try to leave the house and meet someone for coffee or a movie since introverts are drawn to staying home where they are most comfortable.

Reading this post, you may be well aware of who the introverts are in your life or you may be having a serious a-ha moment. You might even recognize yourself in the description and feel seen for the first time. The bottom line is, introverts are social, and they do desire to be with other people, they simply use different scenarios to get there.

Extroverts Get Their Energy from Being Social

Extroverts are natural-born socialites. They are energized and become enthusiastic by being with others. Not much makes them happier than having a social schedule filled with group activities that include chatting, engaging lots of people, and being in a crowd.

Extroverts lose their energy being alone. They often times feel isolated, bored, and underwhelmed when they arenít connecting with other people. Being alone too long can cause depression from the lack of companionship and socialization.

Extroverts naturally gravitate to careers where they are part of a team and work in groups. They love customer service and thrive wherever there are lots of people.

Extroverts get along with a wide variety of people

Since extroverts love being social, they tend to have excellent communication skills which works well when dealing with a variety of people. This can help enrich their social lives as they have a broader range of friends than introverts might have. Having more people to choose from can lead to more variety when it comes to your social calendar.

Extroverts love meeting new people and tend to be great cheerleaders. They are often encouraging and truly interested in what other people are doing. This helps break the ice when meeting new people and helps them build friendships easily.

Extroverts adapt well to new situations

Extroverts love adventure which makes them excellent at trying new things socially. This makes it especially easy to create a happier, healthier social life. Since extroverts donít have any problem diving right in and doing something new, they often thrive on trying something out of the box or unusual.

Extroverts are ideal candidates for joining groups where they may not already know someone. They wonít be lonely for long and before you know it, they will have a whole new group of friends.

Whereas introverts prefer to do things solo and get overwhelmed by large groups, extroverts rely on group experiences to build their energy up and keep it going. When it comes to socialization, extroverts may have the advantage over introverts because there is a wider range of options to find a social circle.

If youíre an extrovert thereís is wonderful news for you when it comes to creating your ideal social life. You can expect to find meaningful social opportunities with relative ease. Youíll also likely discovers a wider variety of appealing people to meet and places to go.

Top Tips for Being Social- When Youíd Rather Stay Home

One thing that competes with the desire to be social is the lure of staying home. Introverts and extroverts both struggle with the push/pull that comes from wanting to be social but also wanting to stay home and do things that feel cozy and comfortable.

When our schedules are busy, staying home can feel like a luxury. Being social can feel like a burden or, at the very least, something on the long list of things to do. Thatís not what being social is meant to feel like. Here are some top tips for being social- when youíd rather stay home.

Top-tip: Build rest time into your day- If you are going to be out and about for something social, build rest into your schedule. Add time prior to your event to take a nap, get ready, or take a break before having to leave the house. Protect your schedule so you donít overbook when you know youíve got something to do.

Top-tip: Just do it- Like Nike says, just doing itÖgetting up and going, even when you feel like staying home, can actually be energizing. Sometimes the idea of staying home feels like it is easier or more fun, but you realize when you start having fun being social that it was worth the effort, and youíre glad you did it.

Top-tip: Make it easy- Being organized at home can make it easier to be social. If you have to work too hard to get ready and get out of the door it can make you want to skip being social entirely. Having a clean home, clean clothes, and less chaos at home will make it easier to be social.

Top-tip: Stay home- Sometimes you need to listen to your intuition and just stay home. If youíve been too busy lately or simply have no interest in social activity, just skip out. There are times when your subconscious knows whatís best. While you shouldnít blow off every social opportunity, sometimes staying home is exactly what you need to refresh and energize.

There ís something about getting home that makes us want to stay there. Cozy couches, Netflix, and unlimited snacks seem like a really good time. It can make it harder to be social. If you are longing to be with people but tend to resist leaving home, youíve got to push through the resistance and experience how fun being social is so you can routinely go out and have a great time.

Dos and Doníts for Introverts and Extroverts Who Socialize Together

Ratios tell us that for every three extroverts out there you can expect to encounter one introvert. That ratio means there is a lot of intro and extroverts out there co-mingling. While extroverts are out there trying to talk to everyone, the introverts are often hiding in corners looking pained or sitting on the couch looking disinterested. How are the two supposed to socialize?

It's pretty simple actually, though extroverts get energized by social engagement and introverts get drained by it, there is an intersection where both intro and extroverts cross and both can benefit and enjoy being social together. Here are some doís and doníts for introverts and extroverts who socialize together-

* Do read the room

* Do consider the time

* Do give people grace

* Doní’t make assumptions

* Don’t forget to let people have fun

* Don’t worry about it

Do- Pay attention to the chemistry and vibe: Introverts and extroverts are coming into a social situation with different experiences. Introverts know there is only a certain amount of time before they feel spent and overwhelmed while extroverts expect to feel more and more energized over the course of the gathering. Read each otherís chemistry and recognize when an introvert is beginning to lose interest or energy. Itís a great time to connect with someone else or have a more intimate conversation away from the crowd.

Do- Pay attention to the time: Time is everything when it comes to socializing and mixing intro and extroverts. The longer an event the more withdrawn or quiet introverts begin to feel. After a certain amount of time itís great for introverts to head home so the extroverts can burn the midnight oil or hang out as long as theyíd like. Instead of asking ìwhy are you going home so soon?î Simply allow the introverts an exit strategy.

Do- Remember people are only human: Socializing with intro and extroverts can be a challenge. Itís easy to read into each otherís behavior and make assumptions. Give people grace and realize that some people are quieter, and some are more boisterous and energized in public settings. Try not to get turned off by someoneís behavior simply because it may not match your own.

Donít- make assumptions about one another: Introverts and extroverts often feel misunderstood by one another. Introverts are oftentimes seen as aloof or disinterested while extroverts can be labeled loud and obnoxious. Usually, neither is true. It can be hard to manage two distinct personality types that get their energy in different ways. Donít judges too quickly and donít make negative assumptions about someone based on their intro or extroversion and youíll likely find there are plenty of things you have in common despite having different communication styles.

Donít- forget to let people do what they love: Trying to force introverts to be more social or trying to force an extrovert to sit still during a party isnít going to work. Itís important to let people do what they love. If someone wants to sit and people watch or explore on their own, thatís just as social as someone who wants to dance with everyone in the room. Let people have fun in the way that makes the most sense for them.

Donít- Forget people always find a way to socialize together: People always find a way to get along. Introvert will disengage when they start to feel overwhelmed or tired. Extroverts tend to seek out fellow extroverts so they can build on each otherís energy.

In the end, introverts and extroverts have been co-mingling at social events forever. They always find a way. The bottom line is to be aware of the cues that clue you into what someoneís personality is and try to accommodate them while staying true to who you are.

Improving Your Social Life - Part Two

Want to Lose Weight? Be More Social!

Making the decision to lose weight is an important first step towards getting healthy. There are a wide variety of ways to lose weight. The top contenders are-

* Eat less

* Exercise

* Find a diet lifestyle that motivates you

AND

* Be more social!

Thatís right, being social can help you lose weight. Being social increases the likelihood youíll drop pounds and keep them off for the long haul.

How does being more social help with weight loss?

Being social during your weight loss journey makes perfect sense. Having a tribe of people around you can help you be more successful and less likely to make poor choices with your health. Hereís how-

* Being social is distracting

* Being social provides support

* Being social keeps you accountable

* Being social makes you happier

Your social calendar can help you lose weight- When you are busy hanging out with friends or participating in activities you enjoy you are less likely to overeat or binge. Being busy and having fun things to do makes it much easier to focus on your health while youíre having a great time.

Friends help friends reach their goals- Your social circle is an excellent way to stay fit. Sharing your goals to lose weight and get healthy is easier when you are part of a team. Some people enjoy socializing at the gym, in weight loss groups or forums, or simply engaging in daily exercise with a close friend.

Staying accountable is easier when you have a tribe- When you are isolated no one will know if you fall off track or backslide. Having a healthy social outlet during weight loss helps you with accountability and provides support when you may want to give up or things get tough.

Happy people take better care of themselves- Sometimes weight conditions happen when people are sad or lonely. Having a healthy social life can help you feel happier and give you the energy boost you need to stay on track and lose the weight.

Thereís no doubt that losing weight can be a challenge, but you can increase the likelihood youíll experience successful weight loss simply by being more social. Include friends, family, or fellow people looking to lose weight alongside you on your journey and have fun while you lose those pounds.

3 Unexpected Health Benefits of Being Social

The obvious benefits of being social are having fun and being part of a community. Humans are designed to be social creatures and live in groups depending on one another emotionally, physically, and in other important ways. What you may not have considered are the unexpected health benefits of being social.

Being social affects your mental and your physical health. That means to the same degree you develop a happy social life, no matter your age, you can expect to experience better health.

Your happy social life increases your mood

Our moods are reactive to many things. Chemicals in our bodies, shifts in hormones, or other physiological goings-on affect our mood. Additionally, our day-to-day activities affect our mood. The more social we are and the more positive and happy things we have to look forward to, the better our mood.

Have you ever woken up on the wrong side of the bed and felt destined to have a bad day only to encounter a great friend for a cup of coffee and feel better? This is an example of how having a healthy and happy social life can increase our mood.

Your happy social life can restore your memory

Dementia or loss of cognitive function is a worry for anyone middle-aged and older. An understimulated mind is at risk for memory loss or loss of cognitive ability. The good news is, developing a happy social life can actually restore memory and cognition. Finding fun ways to be social and stimulate your mind and your enthusiasm not only prevents memory issues but may restore them.

Your happy social life could prevent a stroke

Believe it or not, hanging out with friends could prevent a stroke. Thatís because being isolated and lonely can increase inflammation and blood pressure. Left in a high state of stress or anxiety, people are at greater risk for stroke, heart attack or other life-threatening issues. Hanging out with friends two to three times per week or engaging in a social activity that brings you joy can help you reduce your blood pressure and ease inflammation giving your body the healthy boost it needs.

There is much more to being social than having a good time. Being social can help you be healthier and live longer. Making healthy social activities part of your daily routine is an excellent way to stay healthy while you have fun.

Your Social Life is Meant to Shift Over Time

Your social life isnít meant to be a one-and-done situation. As a matter of fact, your social life should shift over time. In the same way, you arenít the same person you were a year ago, your social life isnít meant to stand still either.

Our lives are an evolution. What we find interesting, intriguing, and fun changes. That means our social lives and how we recreate or spend our free time is going to look different over the years.

Some people have a hard time shifting their focus from the friends and activities that once brought them a lot of happiness, but sometimes holding on to people and activities can actually hold you back. Itís important to be willing to make changes in what you love to do and who you love to do it with without feeling guilty.

As you mature what you want to do changes

Over time, what you like to do for fun and how you like to socialize will surely change. When you are younger, you might choose friends for entirely different reasons than you do later in life. What you have in common shifts, or how you like to recreate morphs. Itís important to allow yourself to grow and change over time.

As you move through life you are able to do bigger and better things

Economics can play a factor in how you socialize. You may have more income and be able to do bigger and better things over time. Itís a great time to increase your options or try something new. There is nothing wrong with leaving an old social activity behind to enjoy something new and exciting.

The more you know, the more you do

Sometimes you arenít aware of whatís out there for a good time. You may not have known of the options out there to learn more, do more, or be more. Over time you become aware of what is out there to engage in during your free time. As you know more about whatís available itís important to shift and grow and try new things.

Your social life is meant to shift over time. You canít expect to stay in the same social circle doing the same things for your entire life. As you grow and mature, your tastes change, your economics change, and you become more aware of all the opportunities in life. Embrace an ever-evolving social life and enjoy the benefits of new and exciting social opportunities.

Social Media Could Make It Harder to be Social

Social media is amazing. That ability to connect with people easily and consume amazing amounts of content is pretty normal nowadays. There are many wonderful things about social media that canít be denied-

* Staying in touch with family and friends

* Sharing information

* Communicating beliefs and opinions

* Easy access to unlimited information

Each of these aspects of social media enriches our lives and makes it better when put into the context of a well-rounded life. When social media is a tool used in conjunction with other tools, it is a positive and appropriate way to be social and connected but, social media could make it harder to be social if weíre not careful.

The very same things that make social media amazing can potentially make it hazardous. The attention we pay to social media can take our attention away from other important things. Spending hours looking at a screen trying to ìconnectî isnít true connection. Itís important to be present and engage in social activities that arenít electronic.

People tend to spend an astonishing amount of time on social media. They are glued to a smart phone or desktop looking at life through a social media platform. Though it is possible to engage others and be social, it is somewhat of an artificial form of socialization. Hereís why-

Social media is void of natural engagement- Sliding into someoneís DMís or commenting on a social media post is an artificial form of communication. When you message someone or leave a comment, youíre likely leaving a highly curated thought that youíve edited. That means you may be more or less genuine than you would be if you were in a face-to-face conversation. Over time, people can stunt their interpersonal social skills and become socially awkward when it comes to holding a conversation in person.

Social media is a highlight reel- Posts tend to be highly edited and pictures tend to be the best version of ourselves possible. This projects a sense of perfection that isn’t always accurate. It can create a sense of imposter syndrome on the part of the person posting and a sense of inadequacy on the part of the person viewing the material. Both cases end up with people masquerading who they truly are and intensifying their sense of insecurity.

Social media takes our attention off the present- Quite literally, social media can take our attention off the here and now. Looking at a screen while in the presence of friends and family can distract us from being social with the people in the room. Also, looking at a screen while doing activities like commuting, waiting in line, dining out, or other tasks can rule out meeting someone organically in the community.

Much of being social has to do with being out in society. Learning to engage other people, connect with people, and build relationships happen face to face and in real life. Social media has the potential to steal our attention and reduce the amount of human contact we have. Itís important to use social media as one of many tools to stay connected and make friends but itís vital to make certain you are in control of your social media usage rather than it being in control of you.

Improving Your Social Life - Part One

What is a Social Life and Why do you Need One?

Humans are designed to be social. We are created with the ability to communicate verbally and non-verbally making it easier to share ideas and be in the community. Humans have lived in groups from the beginning and rely on one another to live interdependently rather than alone. Humans have the ability to be sensitive, funny, caring, and nurturing. These traits lend themselves to being social. In essence, humans are made to be social. Humans are designed to be social. We are created with the ability to communicate verbally and non-verbally making it easier to share ideas and be in the community. Humans have lived in groups from the beginning and rely on one another to live interdependently rather than alone. Humans have the ability to be sensitive, funny, caring, and nurturing. These traits lend themselves to being social. In essence, humans are made to be social.

Not everyone has the same desire or capacity for socialization, but everyone regardless of the number of their social preferences has the desire to feel wanted and accepted by a group. Even people designated as loners need some form of community.

What is a social life?

Social life consists of our personal preferences for community and how we engage others socially. Our social life includes, but isnít limited to

* How we recreate

* Who are friends are

* What group activities do we participate in

And

* How we engage with our community

Our social life is generally a reflection of our personal interests at any given time and how we express ourselves through recreation or engagement with others. Our social life isnít limited to what we do for fun though. It can also include-

* How we volunteer

* Time spent with colleagues or peers

* Giving back in our communities

Our social life includes the people in our sphere of influence we engage with and how they impact our sense of belonging.

Why do you need a social life?

Everyone needs social engagement. Even the shyest, introverted or socially resistant people do enjoy socializing, though generally in limited quantities with small groups of people. Being social isnít about parties and light-hearted engagements. Being social includes doing life with others to-

* Solve problems

* Share work

* Stay mentally acute

* Share ideas

* Feel connected

A healthy social life transfers to a healthy mind and body because being social can help prevent physical and mental illnesses. As a matter of fact, an underdeveloped social life can stunt mental growth in children and lead to early death for elderly people.

Our social lives are part of what makes us human. Being in a community with others is part of how we survive physically, mentally, and as a society. Being social isnít limited to going out on Friday night. It includes having someone to share life with and enrich our experiences. Whether you consider yourself a social butterfly or a lone wolf, being social is part of being healthy.

From the Cradle to the Grave- Everyone Needs to be Social

Being social is more than having something fun to do with friends. Being social includes interacting with others in meaningful ways for a wide array of reasons. Being social with friends, family, and colleagues helps us develop into happy and healthy humans who thrive.

Being social begins at birth. Being held and cared for is the first socialization we have. Developing a sense of trust and depending on parents and caregivers to nurture us while we are helpless is the first experience we have as social creatures. If these are positive, it enhances our socialization and we thrive. If they are negative, it can cause us to stunt our socialization and create mental and physical problems.

Babies need to be cuddled and held to develop socially. As they grow, engaging them every day helps them develop their minds and their psyches in positive ways. Most small children are hyper-focused on their relationships with their parents and immediate family who model healthy socialization for their development.

Typical school-age children thrive in the community. They enjoy friends and teachers and soak up social skills like a sponge. They learn by being taught social skills directly as well as observing social norms passively. Kids learn how to be social by watching other kids and internalizing what they see.

Middle-school and high school kids want to fit in more than anything else. Developmentally, being accepted by their peer group is the primary drive during adolescence. Though some kids march to the beat of their own drum, most seek to conform and blend in with their peers rather than stick out.

Young adults begin to socialize in a wider scope. During young adulthood, people seek out like-minded friends to socialize with. Whether this is finding a tribe in college that has the same major or a group of young mothers who have children of similar ages. Young adults are more deliberate about finding people to spend time with.

Middle-aged adults may be empty nesters and have established or neared the end of their careers. This creates an opportunity to recreate or be social in new and exciting ways. Middle-aged folks may break free from socializing with families of their kidsí friends based on sports or other activities their kids have. Middle-aged people often begin revamping their social lives to be more personally satisfying and focused on activities they actively enjoy.

Elderly people run the risk of being socially isolated. In the same way, infants require their family to engage them socially, elderly people need a family to help them stay mentally acute and thriving. Elderly people may have limited mobility or access to peers. Also, many times their peer group dwindles as people pass on. Regardless, itís very important for elderly people to have meaningful relationships and not be ignored or neglected.

From the cradle to the grave, we need socialization to stay healthy. Being involved with other people helps us grow, mature, and sustain our mental and physical health throughout our lives.

Are You Having a Social Identity Crisis?

How we socialize and who we spend our time with are determined by a lot of factors. Factors like-

* The dynamics of our family

* Where we work

* Our Geography

* Access to like-minded people

Each of these plays a large role in what we do with our free time and how closely related what we do socially is to our identity.

Our family dynamics determine our social life- When we parent, a lot of what we do for fun is focused on our children. Attending activities and events and hanging out with people connected to our childrenís activities tends to fill our time.

Where we work determines our social life- Many people spend their on and off-duty time with their co-workers because thatís the pool of people they have access to regularly. In many cases, co-workers become close friends and the people you think of first to hang out with.

Where we live determines our social life- Geography has a lot to do with friendships. Beginning in school when our classrooms determine our playmates. Our home address has a lot to do with who we have access to for our social lives.

Access to like-minded people determines our social life- To the extent, we have access to people who enjoy the same things we do, our lives may feel more or less fulfilling.

Sometimes the people we have access to or the activities we have to choose from donít mesh with our true selves. Sometimes there is a disconnect between how we want to be socially and how we get to be. Limitations like geography, stage of life, and lack of peers can damper meaningful social activities and create a social identity crisis.

If you enjoy activities that arenít possible for you because of family dynamics, work commitments, or lack of people who enjoy the same activities you may be improvising or denying yourself the fun you truly want. You may be a hiker masquerading as a soccer mom, or a chef forced to volunteer weekends for work. It can be frustrating to socialize in ways that donít mesh with your heartís desire.

Itís important to find ways to plug into the social group you want to be a part of even if you canít make it a primary focus all the time. Finding ways to experience the social climate you truly want can help you feel less frustrated and could open doors to more fun-filled activities. Do what you can to express yourself socially in genuine ways so you feel like you arenít missing out on the people, places, and activities that you truly want to be a part of.

Loneliness can Cause an Illness

How often do you feel lonely? Being lonelyÖeven when youíre in a crowd, isnít fun. Not only that, it can ruin your health. Loneliness can cause a host of mental and physical health issues that can morph into chronic illnesses.

Being occasionally lonely never hurts anyone. As a matter of fact, loneliness is a great motivator to get out and do something fun. When you donít have that motivation, loneliness can become a problem.

Did you know that loneliness can actually trigger health issues? Thatís right! Chronic loneliness can lead to depression, worry, and anxiety. This can manifest as a physical illness and shorten your life span. While most people think about loneliness when it comes to elderly people, loneliness in adults ages 18-25 is actually on the rise.

Loneliness can cause depression- Being lonely can trigger depression. The lack of stimulation can reduce the production of dopamine and other feel-good chemicals in your brain. Prolonged episodes of loneliness can contribute to isolation and severe depression.

Loneliness can cause mental decline- Studies have indicated that loneliness can lead to cognitive difficulties which may contribute to diseases like Alzheimerís. Failing to stimulate the brain and engage in meaningful relationships can contribute to cognitive decline.

Loneliness can cause cardio-vascular disease- One study indicates that loneliness contributes to peripheral vascular disease which affects the blood vessels outside of the heart and brain. It also can increase blood pressure and anxiety.

Loneliness can cause inflammation- Some inflammation is helpful. Inflammation helps your body fight infection. Prolonged inflammation is detrimental to your health and can be quite painful. There are studies that indicate being alone too long sends signals to your brain that trigger inflammation.

Loneliness can cause over or underweight conditions- Being alone can trigger over or under-eating. This can lead to unhealthy weight either way. Some people use food to comfort themselves when they are lonely which can lead to obesity. Some forms of depression can trigger a loss of appetite or eating disorders. Left with no one to connect to socially, people run the risk of eating too much or too little.

Being isolated is not healthy. It can affect your mental or your physical health. Developing a happy social life at any age can help you stay fit and healthy throughout your life. Itís possible to avoid health issues like obesity, cardiovascular disease, and Alzheimerís by being socially active.

Surviving the Holidays - Part Four

Christmas Past- Learning from People Who’ve Been There

Christmas is an absolutely magical time of year. The sights, sounds, tastes, and smells all delight the senses. Everyone wants their holiday to be merry, bright and filled with wonder.  Sometimes that’s easier said than done and all the good intentions start to feel like a burden. Trying to make everything perfect gets overwhelming and stressful. That’s when it’s great to talk to someone who’s been around the Christmas block a time or two. 

If you talk to people who’ve raised families into adulthood, you might learn that you don’t need to jam pack your holidays so full that you start to feel dazed and confused. They’ll likely tell you that a lot of the effort you put into making memorable holidays simply doesn’t matter. That you can do less and have a bigger impact. 

Learning from people who’ve lived some life can help you avoid stress and headaches during Christmas…and the rest of the year. Asking some powerful questions can make all the difference in how you spend your time and resources during the holiday. Take a look- 

Q? How important is it to buy gifts for Christmas? 

A: It may feel important to have a lot of gifts under the tree so children feel valued, but in the end it doesn’t matter. They usually blow through the gifts and only really care about one or two each year. Over time it means more to kids to have fewer gifts that are more thoughtful for their needs at the time. 

Q? What do kids remember most? 

A: Kids tend to remember events more than anything. A year you take a vacation instead of staying home. The year you go skiing on Christmas day and have a crock pot dinner. These unusual events really impact their memories in positive ways. 

Q? What are the top 3 most important things to focus on?
A: 1. Quality time. Doing a special activity with each child during the season really means a lot to them. 2. Tradition. Having something fun you do each year helps create a lasting memory that they tend to take into adulthood. 3. Community. Using the holiday to remind children of the importance of caring for the community as a whole. Buying gifts for the Angel Tree network or volunteering somehow as a family. 

It can feel overwhelming trying to be, do, and have everything there is to make Christmas special. It needn’t be too complicated. Ask those older than you for their perspective and advice on how you can streamline and bring out the best of the holidays without feeling burdened. 

Crafting a Christmas Mission Statement Helps Reduce Holiday Stress

The holidays come around every year and each year brings the promise of magic and wonder. Christmas delights entire families and gets them excited for gifts, celebrations, and time off from their regular routine. The excitement generated by Christmas can quickly fade when things start to feel overwhelming. Without proper planning, Christmas time can morph into a stressful time filled with too many activities and not enough resources to meet your expectations. Luckily, there’s a simple way to avoid stress during Christmas time. 

You may have heard about mission statements and how they help organizations and businesses laser focus on their overall goals for their business. It’s directly connects to the why of why they are in business. A mission statement helps businesses, and those who run them, weigh their decisions and make the best choices possible that align with their mission. 

In the same way that mission statements serve business, they can serve families. When it comes to Christmas, having a mission statement can help families make decisions that support their mission and reduce stress spending time on things that don’t suit their mission. 

A sample mission statement for Christmas could be- To focus on family and friends making memories that last. Another could be- To use the season as an opportunity to serve others. 

Taking the time to define what matters most helps remove any doubt about where to put your emphasis and where to set healthy boundaries. If your family mission is to serve others, it makes sense to set aside resources to donate or volunteer during the holidays while giving up other activities. If your mission is to focus on family and friends, it makes sense that you would plan activities that are family oriented. 


Try these tips for creating your Christmas mission statement
Tip- Involve the whole family. Make creating your mission statement a family affair. Involve everyone in determining what matters most to them and crafting a mission statement that reflects the goals for the season. It might be something unique like- to experience Christmas as a family on a vacation. 

Tip- Write out your mission statement and post it. Make sure your mission statement is front and center to remind your whole family what they have agreed is their focus for the holiday.

Tip- Weigh your choices against one another. When you are faced with decisions about what to do with your spending, time, and obligations, weigh them against your mission. If the opportunity doesn’t support the mission, it’s an easy no. 

One of the easiest ways to reduce stress during Christmas time is to agree ahead of time what your focus is going to be. Creating a mission statement can help your family identify their primary focus for the season and avoid unnecessary stress.  

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Tips for Reducing your Giving Without Feeling Like a Scrooge

Being generous is important. There’s no greater time of year to give than during the holidays but it doesn’t take long for the list of opportunities to give to outgrow your ability to be generous. Sometimes you’ve simply got to cut back. This can leave you feeling guilty and fearful you’ll be perceived as a Scrooge. 

There are plenty of great reasons to give and be generous, but your resources may not always be as big as your heart. What can you do when you need to reduce your giving without feeling horrible? Try these ideas out- 

Idea! Try reducing your overall gift-giving budget. If you are in the habit of giving extravagant gifts, try reducing your price point per person to make the budget stretch. Lowering your spending per person can help you give more without cutting out the number of people you give to.  

Idea! Give time rather than money. Giving gifts and making monetary donations comes out of your bank account. Why not give the gift of time instead. Create coupon books with vouchers for special time with friends and family. You can postpone your spending until they cash in their coupons. Instead of making money donations to your favorite charities, consider doing some volunteer work throughout the year to offer an equally valuable resource. 

Idea! Reassess your giving guidelines. Over time, you may find you are under pressure to give gifts to an ever-growing list of friends and family. Times change and it’s ok to assess and re-evaluate your giving guidelines. Some fun gift-giving guidelines could include-

  • Only buying gifts for kids under 16

  • Doing a numbered gift exchange with adult family members

  • Opting out of gift giving outside of immediate family

  • Setting a spending cap on gifts

Once you’ve made the best decision for your family, rest assured that you can give confidently without feeling like a Scrooge. 

Idea! Get crafty with your giving. Try making gifts that have low cost investments. Body scrubs, décor, and other DIY items can cost pennies to make but their personal touch has great value. Search the web for fun do it yourself gifts you can make in bulk and give to lots of people. 

Christmas means something different to everyone who celebrates. There are no two families experiencing the holiday the same. You must feel confident setting limits and creating spending plans that make sense for you and your family’s finances. Be generous, but not to the point you face going into debt. Find fun ways to give without feeling stressed or like a Scrooge. 

Vacations are an Excellent Way to Celebrate Christmastime

What’s your idea of a perfect Christmastime? Does it include a well-lit tree, friends and family gathered around the table for a meal? Or, does it look more like being in an oceanside condo ready to hit the beach? For some, vacations are an excellent way to celebrate Christmastime. 

Most people feel pulled to their homes during the holidays. The traditions of setting up a tree, baking, and other family fun brings back comfort and joy each season. There’s no place they would rather be than home and they want their children to build lasting memories about their holiday time at home too. The thing is, if you ask adults about their favorite holiday memories, they oftentimes speak about the rare time they traveled during the holiday. 
Taking a vacation during Christmas can be fun! Getting out of tradition and doing something extraordinary can create a new spark during the holiday. There’s something new and exciting about spending an old holiday in a new way. There are lots of ways to use travel as an alternative to a stay-at-home Christmas. 

VRBO- Vacation Rentals by Owner are affordable, fully contained homes that offer the benefits of home in a fun location. Consider transferring your holiday magic to a VRBO. You can still have a tree and cook your traditional meal all the while experiencing a new and exciting location. 

The Happiest Place on Earth- Did you know that Disney theme parks are open 365 days per year? That means you can celebrate Christmas at a Disney theme park rather than your living room. Instead of investing in the trappings of Christmas, divert your funds to a family vacation and spend your special day with Mickey and friends. 

Foreign Exchange- Why not experience the holiday through another culture’s eyes. Many cultures celebrate Christmas and it can be an eye opening and cultural experience to celebrate somewhere new.  Take a deep dive into another culture and experience Christmas in ways you may have never dreamed of. The experience will certainly last a lifetime. 

There’s no requirement that you stay home for Christmas. Whether you have an entire family living under your roof, or it’s your first year as an empty nester, there are plenty of opportunities to travel and experience Christmas on vacation. Try something fun and new and see how much your family enjoys their alternative celebration. 

Surviving the Holidays - Part Three

Empty Nest Holidays- Redefining the Season When Kids Grow Up

There’s nothing quite as magical as the holidays when your children are home. When they are little, the holidays are filled with wonder and delight as you witness them through the eyes of a child. As they grow, it’s fun to engage in family traditions and experience every stage of childhood in a unique way. Before you know it, they are grown and you’re facing your first empty nest holidays. 

Each time a child grows up moves out and moves into their new life, it directly affects yours. Not only are you absent a child, but you’re also beginning to see that life’s never going to be the same in a lot of different areas. This redefinition of life can feel overwhelming if you’ve wrapped your identity into being a parent.  

Empty nest holidays have the potential to be magical if you embrace the positive benefits. Morphing with the changes and refreshing your holiday style can help you create a new and exciting experience. Sure, your kiddos might fly home and still want their favorite meals, but there are plenty of ways to infuse time-honored traditions while exploring brand new ways to celebrate. Consider these redefined ways to celebrate- 


Make the holiday negotiable- As families grow, they expand. Kids head to college, get married, or do whatever it is they do on their own. This can create challenges to celebrate a holiday on its specific day. Making the day negotiable help. There’s nothing that says your Thanksgiving can’t be the fourth Saturday of November or that you celebrate Christmas on Christmas eve, eve. You can design whatever celebration your empty nest needs to accommodate the changes that come with children growing up. 


Drop it like it’s hot- You can choose to drop a holiday and allow your kids to celebrate with new family or friends. It’s entirely possible to start your own holiday plans that don’t include kids at all. Take a cruise each year or buy a timeshare. Do something that sounds like fun and free the time up for your kids to celebrate their holiday however they choose.


Put the holidays on pause- If your kids are out of the home, not married, and have no children of their own, it’s a good time to put things on pause. Allow each holiday to be its own unique day without any preconceived expectations. When they marry, have children or are settled into a regular routine it’s a great time to re-establish a holiday celebration routine. In the meantime, enjoy holiday seasons where anything is possible. 

Being an empty nester is a wonderful thing. It’s a great time to reinvent yourself and your traditions. Finding new and fun ways to celebrate makes perfect sense when your young adult kids are out finding their way. Get creative and make your empty nest holidays fun and unique.  

Money-Saving Dos and Don’ts for Happy and Financially Healthy Holidays

One of the fastest ways people get overwhelmed during the holidays is by overspending. Being financially unprepared for the holiday season leads to bad habits and poor choices that have serious repercussions at the beginning of the new year. 

Holiday spending is more than buying gifts, it’s usually a bunch of small things that add up. Things like-

  • Décor

  • Groceries

  • Extra activities

  • Extra giving/donations

AND

  • Gifts

Money leaking out here and there for expenses you don’t have any other time of year adds up and can cause debt or overspending. Stress starts building up with each purchase and what should be a fun time of year starts to feel overwhelming. 

You don’t have to overspend or go into debt trying to make the holidays magical. Pay attention to these dos and don’ts to help keep your finances healthy during the holidays. 

DO- Create a holiday budget before the holidays start- Every year is different. Some years there are more resources for the holidays and some years are lean. Make a budget before the holidays based on your current financial situation. Keep to your budget to help prevent overspending. 

DO- Find fun and unique ways to make some extra cash- Host an annual yard sale or offer a side hustle that brings in some extra cash each year. Finding fun ways to make more money helps you cover the extra costs you have during the holiday season. Enlist the family and encourage them to earn some extra cash that they can use for buying gifts or personal items during the season. 

DO- Cherry-pick your holiday must-haves before spending- There are unlimited ways to spend during the holidays. Everything associated with the holidays is bright and shiny and can make impulse buying hard to avoid. Be decisive about what matters most to you during the season and focus your attention and your dollars on those items and activities and leave the rest for someone else to enjoy. 

DON’T- Worry about what other people do- It’s an age-old concept but still rings true. You shouldn’t worry about what your neighbors are doing. You don’t need to keep up with anyone else nor be influenced by their spending. Focus on your family and what makes sense for your unique needs during the holidays.

DON’T- Forget the benefits of getting ahead of the game- Procrastination can cause overspending. Don’t put off tasks like food shopping or other errands that dig into your budget. The earlier you take care of things the easier you can find deals and be more relaxed. An example could be purchasing all of your non-perishable food items for all holiday meals in one early shopping trip. This gets the task out of the way and frees up time during the rest of the season, 

DON’T- Allow guilt to make you overspend- It’s hard to say no when you want to say yes. Financially, it may not be possible to do everything without going into debt or making a poor financial decision. Don’t allow guilt to drive you. The holidays magnify certain feelings. Set healthy limits that keep your finances under control and don’t feel guilty for being smart with your money. 

Spending can be at an all-time high during the holidays. There are a lot of expenses that come with celebrating which have the potential to strain your budget. Don’t let the holidays cost you your happiness, sanity, or more. Keep your spending in perspective and enjoy a happy and financially healthy season.  

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Make the Season Fun by Choosing a Theme

There are so many ways to have fun during the holidays. From hayrides in fall to watch the Nutcracker ballet in winter, there are plenty of opportunities to make the season fun. One fun option is choosing a theme and building the entire holiday around it. 

Choosing a theme is fun because it creates a focal point for all the activities and experiences for the season. It can be a great way to plan the décor, events, and other elements of your holidays. Here are some fun ways to use themes during the holidays-

Happy Holidays in the forest theme- Choose a forest theme for a fun-filled holiday season. Start off with woodland décor for fall and winter. Have fun with your family taking a trip to the woods for collecting pinecones in the fall and going snowshoeing in the winter. Choose a fun animal like a bear as the mascot for the season and build décor or other design elements around the theme. Host a festive feast fit for the forest for your holiday meals and enjoy the great outdoors…inside or out. 

‘Tis the season for giving theme- Create a holiday season focused on giving back and caring for others. Have your family choose a charity to focus on for the season. Save the change to offer when you see a bell ringer and red bucket. Find opportunities to serve or volunteer. Choose people to support from the Angel Tree Network. Host friends who don’t have a close family for a meal and use the holiday time to reach out to people who may not have connections with family. 

Baby, it’s cold outside theme- Have fun with a winter wonderland theme. Host hot chocolate gets together with a variety of warm beverages and toppings. Choose outdoor activities like ice skating, sledding, skiing, or snowmobiles that all share one thing in common- they are cold! 

Get the family involved with holiday decorating that is white, silver, blue, or other icy-inspired colors. 

Having a theme can help give the holidays a fun focus and make the season about one thing in particular. This can help reduce being pulled in too many directions because your attention is on the activities associated with your theme. What’s more, having a theme can actually make the holidays more memorable. Your family is sure to remember the year you had a specific theme for your entire holiday season and the memories will last for years to come. 

Surviving the Holidays - Part Two

Tips for Creating Drama-Free Holidays

As much as people love the holidays, they don’t always love getting together with their extended family. There’s something about the holidays that brings families together whether or not it’s a good idea. Sadly, some people cause drama that can disrupt the holiday spirit. Strong personalities, addictions, and other issues can affect the harmony of a gathering and make it harder than it should be to have a good time. 

Creating a drama-free holiday is important for the people who truly want to be together and enjoy quality family time. It might feel tough to confront difficult issues, but it can make a big difference in the quality of your holiday time. Consider these tips for creating drama-free holidays everyone can enjoy. 

Tip- Create a drama-free experience- If addiction issues have the potential for ruin your holiday gathering, simply create a drug and alcohol-free event. Removing the temptations and making modifications to your gathering that support sobriety helps everyone. If someone you love struggles with making good choices, help make the choice easier by hosting a clean and sober event. 


Tip- Consider your guests- Trying to fit square pegs into round holes never works. Sometimes you’ve got to be honest about the family members and friends in your life. Some simply can’t play well with others. It may be in everyone’s best interest to keep certain people away from each other. It may also be important to consider what sort of function you’re having and whether or not it’s the best for your guest list. Depending on who is coming to your holiday gathering you may want to consider what activities you have, when you have it, and who is invited. 

Tip- Be willing to be honest- One of the biggest reasons families experience drama is the unwillingness to address the situation. People want to avoid conflict or hope people figure out the impact they make on other people. This generally doesn’t work. Being up front and being honest with people about how their behavior affects others can help them modify it or excuse themselves from the situation if they must. It can be really hard to confront negative behavior, but it can make the holiday better for the majority of the people. 

Everyone wants a happy holiday season filled with friends and family but sometimes people make it difficult. Instead of ignoring their behavior, try one of these tips to create a drama free holiday that benefits everyone…even the ones with the problems. 

Could your Family Benefit from Breaking Some Traditions?

Traditions are part of what makes the holidays memorable. Thinking back on your childhood, you might have some amazing memories of holiday’s past that are steeped in tradition. You may have even brought some of them into adulthood and your own family. There’s no doubt that traditions help families stay connected and remind them of their roots but there may come a time when it helps to break traditions and build new ones. 

Should traditions always be kept? 

Traditions can bring comfort and a sense of familiarity and belonging, but they can also be stifling and keep you from growing and expanding. Holding onto traditions can exclude other possibilities that might be a better fit for you and your family. While traditions can be a wonderful way to hold onto the past, there may be room for change in your future. 

Here are some indicators you might be ready to break some traditions-

Your family dynamics change- It might have been fun to participate in a tradition for a season, but a change could be in order. If your family dynamics change and it doesn’t make sense to hold onto a tradition, be open to letting it go, creating a new one or making a modification. Some typical reasons family dynamics change: 

  • Marriage, divorce, blending families

  • Children mature or grow up

  • Time constraints or changes in schedules

When the dynamics in the family change, it may be time to break a tradition and begin something new. 

You’re bored or change interests- Some traditions felt great for a time, but everyone is always changing and growing. Adapting and expanding your interests can affect your traditions. What once felt comforting begins to feel controlling. Don’t let familiarity cause you to hold onto traditions that you’ve outgrown.

Creating new traditions can create joy

Finding new ways to create traditions during the holidays can reduce stress and create joy. Growing and expanding with your family as it changes can help you hold onto traditions you love while finding new ones that have meaning for where you are in life at the moment. Ask yourself these questions to help you create new traditions. 

What makes sense for your stage of life? If your children are small, there may be a host of activities that you engage in as part of your tradition. As they age, it makes sense to stop some activities and find new age-appropriate activities. Asking what makes sense for your current stage of life will help you break traditions you don’t need and create ones that everyone will enjoy. 


What do you love most this time of year? Asking yourself…and your family, what they love most and want to do each year will help you engage in the activities that matter. You never know, that one time you had pizza for Thanksgiving dinner could be a tradition they want to experience each and every year. You never know if you don’t ask! 

Sometimes traditions can actually weigh families down and cause stress. It’s important to take time and review your beloved traditions and see if there isn’t room for improvement, retirement or creating new traditions altogether.  

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  3 Alternatives to Traditional Holiday Celebrations

Depending on where you live, there are typical ways to celebrate the holidays. Friends, family, and culture all influence how special days unfold and what foods and activities usually accompany them. Getting into the habit of celebrating the holidays a specific way can make it hard to break from tradition- though breaking free can actually be a valuable change. 

You may be used to celebrating the holidays a very specific way and have never given any thought to trying something new. There are unlimited ways to experience the holidays that don’t include turkey dinners, presents under a tree, or winter wonderlands. As a matter of fact, it can be a ton of fun to try something entirely different for your holiday season. Here are three alternatives to traditional holiday celebrations that might be of interest to you and your family. 

Alternative #1. Travel- Most people stay close to home during the holidays. They love the traditions of decorating, enjoying specific foods, and spending quality time with family. Though these are fun traditions, travel can be an amazing alternative. 

Try traveling to a location that experiences the holidays in magical ways you can’t get where you live. If you live in a warm climate, head to the snow. If you live in the snow, head for the beach. If you live in America, try a European holiday. 

Alternative #2. Friends over family- Some people spend their holidays with family and limit their activities with friends. Family is great, but there’s something wonderful about friendships. That’s why Friendsgiving has become so popular. Try spending a holiday with your friends doing a fun activity that you wouldn’t normally experience on a holiday. 

Consider going skiing on Christmas and forgo presents for a VRBO and a lift ticket. Make memories with friends by having a potluck and heading to the movies for a blockbuster instead of cooking a traditional meal. 

Alternative #3. Giving back to your community- There are plenty of people experiencing the holidays in hospitals, shelters, and other unexpected places. Consider spending the day in your community serving others who rarely get noticed. 

Try volunteering at an animal shelter to walk animals or clean. Serve at a homeless shelter and support your community by donating your time and energy to help those less fortunate. You can get your whole family involved and make an impact on those you’re serving and yourselves. 

f you’re looking to shake things up, why not try an alternative holiday celebration this year? Breaking away from the norm helps create memories and can leave a lasting impression for you and your whole family. 

Surviving the Holidays - Part One

Putting the Happy into your Holidays

The holidays are a wondrous time of year filled with every imaginable delight for your senses. Great tasting food, beautiful décor, soft and fuzzy sweaters, and music that only comes around once per year. It’s no wonder people can’t wait for the holidays to help them escape into a time of family, fun, and festivities. 

While the idea of the holidays is always delightful, the realities can be quite overwhelming. Juggling an already busy schedule with added activities during the holidays can quickly take the wonder out of the season and replace it with stress. What started out as Happy Holidays becomes surviving the Holidaze. 

The holidays don’t stop for stressful life events either. Illnesses, injuries, or adjusting to big changes don’t get put on hold during the holiday season. There are some years that the holidays co-mingle with great loss or change. Finding a way to embrace the season while dealing with setbacks can be tricky. 

The holidays don’t have to wear you out. There are many things you can do to reduce the stress and streamline your holidays. Believe it or not, you don’t have to recreate a Hallmark Channel version of the holidays in order for them to be magical. It’s entirely possible to decorate, host family, cook meals, entertain, and still enjoy the season. It’s also entirely possible to celebrate the joy of the season while simultaneously managing great loss. 

Ultimately, the holidays may not look like anyone else’s, but that’s the point. What makes your holidays happy may not look anything like what someone else is experiencing. The key is to focus on your unique needs at the time and craft a holiday that makes the most sense under your circumstances. 

Letting go of guilt, expectations, and overwhelming yourself helps put the happy into your holidays. Knowing what you can manage alongside everything else going on is what helps you mean it when you say Happy Holidays to others.  

This season, and every one after, should be a reflection of your life in the moment. If you’re experiencing abundance with your finances, time, and energy, let the season reflect it. If you are weathering a great storm, allow yourself to modify your holiday to accommodate the needs you and your family have at the time. 

There’s no reason to struggle during the holidays. The season is designed to give pause for reflection and celebrate with family and friends. Keeping the focus on these things allows for the holidays to remain manageable rather than overwhelming. 

3 Thieves that Rob your Holiday Spirit

Everyone starts off with tremendous holiday spirit. The mere idea of the holiday’s sparks joy. Knowing anything is possible during the season creates a sense of wonder and delight… right about the time the first pumpkin spice latte hits the coffee shop. Sadly, it doesn’t always take long for one…or more…of three thieves to rob your holiday spirit. 

The three thieves of holiday spirit are

  • Finances

  • Time

  • Family

Any of these, or all of them for that matter, have a tendency to steal the joy you’ve mustered for the season. Sadly, what’s supposed to be a happy time can easily turn stressful when your money, your time, or your family are out of whack. 

Finances have the potential to steal your holiday spirit

When people are strapped for cash during the holidays it can feel like a burden. From failing to plan to face an unexpected financial hit, money problems tend to steal the holiday spirit. The expectations for spending during the holidays can cause a lot of stress. Décor costs, gifts, meals, and attending extra activities can make a dent in your budget. It’s important to understand that everyone feels stressed. You are not alone! There are things you can do to help the budget. You can switch up your holiday plans or forgo some of the typical spendings to help keep your holiday finances under control. 

Time has the potential to steal your holiday spirit

There are only so many hours in the day. Though you could sleep less, that’s not the best way to try to get everything done. The holidays come with a lot of time commitments. Extra shopping, holiday parties and activities, and time with family and friends have to be mixed with your typical everyday needs. This can zap your energy and rob you of your spirit. What should be a fun activity can become an intrusion or cause for a headache. Taking control of your time during the holidays might be easier than you think. What’s more, there are things you can do in the months leading up to the holidays that can help you have more time when you need it most. 

The family has the potential to steal your holiday spirit

Family is one of the main reasons to get excited about the holidays, yet family can also be a chief thief of your holiday spirit. Sadly, dysfunction doesn’t take a break from October through January. Sometimes the people you want to spend time with cause problems that make it really hard to enjoy them and sometimes you’re forced into family time with people you’d really rather avoid. It’s possible to set limits and set boundaries that help you and your family have the best holiday possible. It might feel scary, but It’s possible to confront behaviors that keep families from feeling uncomfortable during the holidays. 

If you’ve ever felt strapped for cash, strapped for time, or wanting to avoid certain family during the holidays then you’ve experienced one or more of the thieves of the holiday spirit. It’s common for them to try to rob your joy, but you don’t have to allow them to put a damper on your holiday. Prepare for them, realize they want to rob your spirit, and take precautions to make sure they don’t have a chance. 

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Choosing what’s best for your Family During the Holidays…Without Feeling guilty!

There can be a lot of pressure during the holidays to be, do, and have things that may or may not fit into your vision. The thing is, everyone has a unique idea of what merriment looks like and the best way to spend the holiday season. That’s great if it gels with your ideas, but it can feel like a burden if it doesn’t. 

Ultimately, it’s important to choose what’s best for your family during the holidays and let go of any guilt along the way. It might feel uncomfortable but if you keep your focus positive, you can assert yourself without too much fallout. Here’s how- 

Get confident in what’s best for your family- One of the keys to choosing what’s best for your family without feeling guilty is knowing for certain what’s best. When you are clear on what you want and need, it’s easier to be confident about it. An example could be declining to travel for the holidays if you have a new baby, puppy, just moved, an illness or injury, or any situation that feels too overwhelming for travel. Knowing that it’s best for your family to stay put can help you make a clear decision, stick to it, and not feel guilty about it. 

Communicate clearly and early- Once you’ve decided what’s best for you this season, make sure key people know as early as possible. Waiting until the last minute can cause hard feelings and leave other people in the lurch. Letting people know what your plans are in a clear and concise way will help them adapt and make their own plans too. 

Offer an explanation and let it go- Communication is key. It might be important for you to clarify why you are choosing whatever it is for your family’s holiday. Make sure to explain with confidence and then let it go. Not everyone will understand your plan or endorse it, but they will respect it if you set healthy limits and refuse to negotiate. 

Refuse to feel bad about what’s best for your family- You can’t please all the people all the time. Some people are unable or unwilling to give others the grace and freedom to do what’s best for them. It’s ok if someone is upset with your decision as long as you have made things clear, concise, and are being mature with your communication. Ultimately, you can’t control other people’s reactions, you can only control your own.  

If you need to reduce your stress this season by creating a holiday plan that’s perfect for your family but might ruffle some feathers, it’s important to put your family first and refuse to feel guilty. Healthy people will understand, and unhealthy people won’t. That’s ok. Doing what’s best for your family is nothing to be afraid of. 

A Guide to Improving Your Habits - Part Four

Making Habit Stacking Work For You 

Habit stacking happens when a habit becomes attached to another. For example, you get home from work and take off your shoes every day. You then make a habit of always putting your walking shoes on directly after and walking around the block for exercise. You’ve stacked these habits together. Habit stacking is useful because it makes forming a new habit easier. Habits are formed when, after time and repetition, your brain associates a certain trigger with behavior and a reward. Forming a completely new habit takes more time and energy than using a current habit to stack onto.

To stack a new desired behavior onto an existing one, first, make sure the two actions make sense and are feasible working together. Let’s say you’d like to start a habit of meal planning for the week. You have a habit of eating your lunch at your desk every day. You could stack the meal planning with your lunch break habit. These two actions work well together because you’re already sitting at a desk; you have the time to research recipes and to write them down.

Habit stacking works best when you start small and think of the behaviors as one habit. This way, you are more likely to be able to carry out the tasks without feeling overwhelmed. If they are viewed as one habit, you won’t have to remind yourself to do more than one thing and you’ll be more likely to succeed.

Another tip for stacking habits is to hook the habits to a trigger. This will help solidify the habits in your brain. Triggers can be any feeling or action really. Take your alarm clock for example. It rings in the morning to wake you up for work. Its ring triggers you to get up, make coffee, take a shower, etc. The actions you take after the alarm clock rings can be whatever you choose to make a habit of. If you want to start meditating for example, that action would stack well into your morning routine.

Habit stacking is an efficient way to start up a new good habit. When you start small, build onto a habit that exists already and view them as one action, hooking a new habit onto an existing one is faster and easier than starting a new habit altogether.


Write It Down - Why It’s Important To Put Your Plan For New Habits Into Writing

When attempting to change your current habits or start a new habit, writing down your intentions is an integral part of the process. Writing down your goals can be done in several ways. Use whatever method makes you most comfortable, whether it’s journaling, making a list, sticky notes, or by using a vision board, it’s up to you. When you are more comfortable, you are more likely to follow through. However you decide to record your goals for yourself, make sure your writings are placed somewhere that can be easily seen by you. Writing down and rereading your desired habits will help ensure success in achieving your goals in a couple of ways. 

When you write your goals down, it helps you remember to focus on them frequently, especially when you read over them regularly. When you are able to put them out as a reminder, that will help you stay focused too. Try a vision board that hangs in your bedroom, sticky notes on the fridge or a note in your car that you will easily see and reread it. Even if you're not consciously rereading them, simply seeing them written down will remind your brain of what you’ve written.

Writing down your plans for a new habit also helps encode the idea in your brain. Encoding is a brain process that allows an idea to be stored and recalled by long-term memory. If you’ve written your ideas down, your brain has a better chance of storing them in your long-term memory, giving you a better chance of long-term success and the ability to follow through.

Personal accountability is another reason why putting your plans into writing is important. When you write your goals down on paper, it’s almost like a promise to yourself. You are more likely to adhere to your plans when you’ve put them in writing. You are also more likely to feel motivated and committed to making the changes you’ve set for yourself. 

When your goals are clearly written and defined, it becomes easier to eliminate distractions. Distractions from your goal are best dealt with when planned for. Writing down your anticipated distractions and pitfalls with a plan to fight them, will help you stay on track also.

Although it takes a little extra time, writing down your goals has many benefits. It is an important part of goal setting and habit formation that will help you stay focused and give you a leg up achieving what you want.


Accountability Is The Key For Long Term Success 

Accountability is the act of taking responsibility for your own actions and results; results are the consequences of the actions. Being accountable for your own actions and the consequences that come along with them will ultimately empower you to make decisions that will produce the results you want. Simply put, when you are personally accountable, you are honest with yourself, therefore increasing your ability for succeed with your goals long-term. Staying accountable will help you focus, stay motivated and help keep you from slipping. There are some tricks that will help you achieve accountability for your new habits and will help them stick long-term. 

Start with smaller, mini-goals. Breaking down your goal into smaller, achievable steps will help you feel less overwhelmed, therefore produce more success. Celebrating these small successes along the way will give you more confidence and motivation. Hold yourself accountable during the process and you will find yourself more productive and ready to conquer your goal.

Accountability is made easier with a partner. An accountability partner is someone you’ve opened up to about your desired new habit or goal and is willing to help you through the process. Ideally, your partner should be committed and willing to give you unbiased feedback. Also, when you are responsible to answer someone else for your actions, you are more likely to stay on track to avoid having to tell your partner you didn’t hold up your end of the deal.

Self-examination is the study of your own behavior and actions. This skill is very important when it comes to long-term success with the new habit you want to form. Regularly reread what you’ve written about your goals. Think about what’s working and not working for you and be willing to adjust your behaviors accordingly. Although your goal will remain the same, your plans on how to achieve it may change depending on your experiences during the process. Think about what your stumbling blocks have been and make plans to overcome future pitfalls by thinking of solutions and how to put them to use.

Forming a new habit is not necessarily a short process. You must be willing to hold yourself accountable, be patient and flexible along the way. If you’re committed and follow through with your plans, you will achieve long-term success in forming your new habit.

Turn Your Habits Into Routines To Make Them Stick For Good 

A habit is a behavior that is done every day until it becomes nearly automatic and you’re able to do it without really thinking about it. A routine is a string of several actions that are always done in the same order. If you can build your good habits into a routine, you will essentially have a string of good habits or a “good routine.” These carefully planned out routines will be beneficial because you’ve specifically tailored them to yield positive results in your life.

Think about the routines you already have, for example, your morning routine. Most people’s morning routines consist of waking up to an alarm clock, showering, drinking coffee, getting ready for work and so on. You’ve put all of these actions together to form a routine that is done the same way each day. Routines are pre-planned out, so you don’t have to make a new plan every day. This helps you get all of the actions done without thinking about what to do next.

To turn your habits into a routine, first, you should think about which habits you want to put together. Next, you will need a plan of action. It always helps to write down your plans so that you can refer back to them later and to assist in comprehension. Your plan should consist of the order in which the actions make the most sense and what time of day you will do the routine. Your routine will be several habits that you already have, put together in a certain order and done that way every day until it essentially becomes a lifestyle.

Forming your “good routine” will take some time, so don’t give up too early. It’s said that a new habit takes 3 weeks to form. After a habit is formed, if you continue to perform the behavior for 90 more days, it is said to have become a lifestyle. This is called the 21/90 rule - 21 initial days to form the habit and another 90 to make it stick so well that it becomes your lifestyle. Our routines make us who we are or our lifestyle. So, set yourself up with planned out routines that make a positive impact on your life. You will be able to accomplish your goals and live a more positive, productive, and happier life.

Check-In Regularly To Catch Any Good Habit Slips 

Checking in with yourself regularly as you try to form new, good habits will help you catch slip-ups along the way. It’s important to try to catch your slips early because the more you slip up or let time go by without following through, the less likely you are to succeed in making the behavior a habit.


Everyone has an off day here and there, or maybe a day that you lost focus of your goals. It’s important though, to pick up focus and momentum on the very next day. Try hard not to let more than one day go by without skipping the habit you want to form. The more days that go by without the behavior, the longer it will take you to achieve the behavior as a habit.

Checking in is a form of accountability that is helpful, even necessary. It will take self-reflection and the ability, to be honest with yourself. Weekly self-check-ins will help you stay focused. You will need to think about the ways that you are working toward your goal and whether what you are doing is working for you or not. You will also need to think about some of the slip-ups you’ve made and determine why you weren’t able to follow through with your goal in that situation and how to change that the next time. Making a plan to change what you are doing if you discover it’s not working for you will cut down the number of slip-ups you have in the future. Writing this down in an accountability journal will help organize your thoughts and give you a reference for the next time you check-in with yourself.

Another form of checking could be with a partner. An accountability partner is someone who has agreed to help you stay committed to achieving your goal. A lot of times this is a reciprocal relationship and you will be helping your partner achieve their goals in the same way. When you know that you have someone that you have, to be honest with about your slip-ups, you actually become less likely to slip up. Checking in with your partner every few days or even once a day will ensure you stay focused on your goal of turning your desired behavior into a habit. 

Checking in with yourself or with someone else will keep you accountable and help set you up for success. The ability to be flexible when you notice something you are doing isn’t working to further your goal is a crucial part of forming your habit. This will enable you to cut down on the number of slip-ups and get you to your goal faster.

It’s Okay Not To Be Perfect All The Time 

Establishing good habits requires commitment, motivation, and hard work. The desire to better your life by examining which behaviors are yielding positive results and which aren’t is a daunting process. We all have days when we just don’t feel up to the task. That’s ok! It’s completely normal to not be perfect. In fact, perfection is less important than progress. As long as you’re moving forward, being flexible, and forgiving yourself, you are closer to establishing good habits that stick.

Slip-ups are to be expected when you are trying to establish a new habit. Moving forward from the slip-ups is progress toward your goal. If you get discouraged easily and give up, you are no longer moving forward, you are no closer to your goal. So, your attitude and persistence really end up determining your amount of progress. It’s a journey, not a race.

Flexibility is key in advancing toward your goal of good habits. When a slip-up happens, you will need to examine why it happened and make a plan of what you will do in the future. It may be that your former plan isn’t working, don’t be afraid to switch it up and be flexible. Your main objective should be to make a plan so that you can avoid the slip-up next time. So, your plan should be fluid, depending on what’s working and working for you.

Last but not least, forgive yourself for your missteps and move on! Beating yourself up does absolutely no good. In fact, your focus is to be on changing your life for the positive. So, allowing yourself to get down because of a few slip-ups is actually counterintuitive. Instead, use your slip-up as motivation to do better tomorrow. 
Establishing new habits takes time and slip-ups are complete to be expected. Perfection is overrated, it’s your attitude, perseverance, and willingness to progress that really matters. Remember that your goal should not be perfection. Rather, becoming self-aware and gaining the ability to use critical thinking when examining your habits should be. Put yourself in the driver's seat when it comes to your health and goals for your life. Take ownership and be willing to change your goals and plans along the way to tailor to your specific needs. Eventually, you will find yourself in a better place in your life than when you started.

Expect Stumbling Blocks And Learn To Overcome Them

There is really no part of life where challenges don't exist. We are constantly overcoming demanding situations. And although the size of the challenge may change, we should come to expect that things are not always easy. Challenges are a part of life! It’s no different when you are working toward building new, positive habits. There will be setbacks and stumbling blocks to face. The trick will be to learn how to overcome them and keep moving forward.

One of the first things you can do when you encounter a situation where establishing your new habit may be challenged is to evaluate the situation. Ask yourself a series of questions so that you understand the “why” of the stumbling block. Questions like "What is the challenge?” Why has it become a challenge as it relates to the habit I’m trying to form? What time of day did it happen? All of these questions will yield answers that will help you understand your setbacks and get you back on the right track. Journaling or writing down your questions and answers will help you analyze the information you come up with so that you can make a plan to move forward.

After you have gathered your information about how and why you slipped up, you can design ways to overcome those stumbling blocks and even foresee some that may happen in the future. For example, maybe you have a goal to get healthier. You’ve been eating right and exercising at least 5 days a week. In the first few weeks, you lost several pounds, which motivated you to stay focused. But, for the last two weeks, you haven't lost any more weight. You start to feel stagnant and feel tempted to give up because you’re no longer seeing results. This is a stumbling block that can be avoided if it’s planned for. Weight loss plateaus are common, so if you expected it ahead of time, you would be able to focus more on the long-term goal- resisting the temptation to give up too soon. Thinking about the situations you may be in ahead of time and accounting for them is really the key to learning how to overcome your stumbling blocks.

Lastly, make a resolve to never give up. The truth is that stumbling blocks are a part of life, no matter who you are. It’s how we deal with the challenges that define us. If you don’t give up on attempting to better yourself by forming good habits, you will become a person who lives life to the fullest.

Keep From Slipping Back Into Bad Habits By Setting Cutoffs

So, you’ve been working really hard on keeping up some of the good habit goals you’ve set for yourself. You’ve been self-aware, questioned yourself, planned for pitfalls, tracked your progress and so on. You’ve done everything right. You probably feel like you’d never go back to your old ways or bad habits because you’ve come so far. To an extent that’s true, we are more likely to stick with a new habit if it’s been used for longer than 4 months. Unfortunately, our old habits are still ingrained in us too. Slipping back to your old behaviors could happen before you even realize it. There are a few things you can do to help prevent this from happening.

One way is to use micro-goals or cut-offs. Micro goals can be used to help keep you from falling back into your old habits. An example of this is; your goal was to get healthy and lose a certain number of pounds. You’ve worked hard and achieved your goal, so now your goal is to maintain it. Sometimes there’s a slip-up or two per week with healthy food choices, and as we know, weight can fluctuate slightly week to week. So, a micro goal you could use to keep you from falling all the way back to where you were before you started could be something to the effect of, “If I get up to this weight, I will start working out at the gym for 20 minutes longer per workout.” You essentially give yourself a cut-off to keep you on track so that you don’t slip back into a bad habit.

Being aware of your mindset is an important way to keep from slipping also. Notice subtle behaviors you may be doing that indicate you are falling off track. Such as, having just one drink here and there, instead of not drinking at all if that was your goal. Or, starting to buy certain foods again that you swore off in an effort to lose weight. Keep a close eye out for permission-giving thoughts like, “It’s just this one time” or “I’ll get back to it next week, I’m tired, I need a break.” These thinking patterns are gateway thoughts that lead back to old or bad habits. Be mindful of enablers. People who don’t help you stay on track; rather they almost pressure you to slip backward again.

All of these things can help stop you from slipping back into your old ways. Don’t give up; keep striving for the betterment of your life through good habits.

A Guide to Improving Your Habits - Part Three

Create A Keystone Habit

A keystone is defined as a stone at the crown of an arch that locks the other pieces in place. As it relates to habits, a keystone habit is one that sets off a chain reaction of other habits related to it. Essentially a keystone habit helps hold the related habits in place. 

Keystone habits are like any other habit in that they can be considered good or bad. Good keystone habits evoke positive outcomes and set off a chain reaction of other habits that increase a person’s quality of life. Or they can be a bad keystone habit that ends up negatively affecting life and brings with it more bad habits.

Possibly the most well-known positive keystone habit is daily exercise. When you’re able to make daily exercise a habit, it most likely will become a keystone habit. In that, it will bring with it other positive habits. Let’s say you’ve spent the last month making sure you make time to go to the gym every single day, no matter what. The effort you put in translates to more related habits. Things like you stop eating out as much so that you can control your calorie intake more closely. This leads to spending less money because you’re cooking at home more often. And you end up cutting down on your alcohol consumption because you’re staying home more often. Because you exercise daily, you are more tired at the end of the day, so you start going to bed earlier and ultimately get a better night’s sleep. All of these smaller habits formed because of the daily exercise, making it a keystone habit.

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As many positive small habits that can come from a keystone habit such as daily exercise, the same can happen with a bad keystone habit. Take drug use, for example. The habit of abusing a drug daily can take over your life in such a way that most of your decisions become based on the addiction. Your life is negatively affected overall. 

Therefore, it’s very important to keep a close eye on your daily habits. Self-examination of habits and honesty with yourself is crucial, in an attempt to get rid of any habits, especially keystone habits that sabotage your happiness. Your goal should be to develop a positive keystone habit and let the smaller positive habits that come along with it bring you a happier, more fulfilled life.


Create A New Habit By Hitching It To An Existing One 

So, you’ve examined your daily habits and you have come to the conclusion that you would benefit from setting a new habit for yourself. You’re taking a positive step in the right direction. Everyone has some habits that could be ditched altogether or changed. Healthy habits heighten happiness. But, what’s the best way to go about forming a new habit?

We know that creating a new habit takes some time, at least three weeks. And to create a novel habit, you’ll have to repeat the behavior enough times to form new neurological pathways in the brain. Oftentimes, it’s easier and takes less time to create a new habit by building it onto an existing one. Essentially using an existing habit as the trigger for the new habit. When forming the new habit is perceived as easier, less intimidating, and less overwhelming the rate of success becomes higher. The chance that you will slip up or give up altogether decreases.

Building a new habit onto an existing habit can be done when you utilize a cue that already evokes a behavior. You can then add the new behavior to the existing habit. For example, you decide that you want to start a new habit of practicing gratitude. You would like to start a gratitude journal that you write in every morning. You already have existing habits in the morning you can build onto. A common morning habit is drinking a cup of coffee. So, one way to build your new habit into an existing one would be to keep your new gratitude journal next to the coffee maker. Every morning, as you drink your coffee, you are reminded to write in your journal. Eventually, writing in the gratitude journal every morning becomes a habit as you drink your coffee.

Starting a new habit that sticks and changing existing habits can be tricky. We, as humans are said to be creatures of habit. In fact, some studies show that our daily behaviors are about 40% done out of habit. Changing habits requires conscious decisions and effort. But, by adding a new habit onto an already existing habit, changing your routine is made easier. Therefore, you will be more likely to stick with this new desired habit and less likely to give up or to have slip-ups along the way.

Plan Ahead And Set Yourself Up For Success

It’s important to frequently self-analyze to assess whether or not the habits you have been working for you. Overall happiness is directly related to our habits. After all, the behaviors we perform every day make us who we are. But, sometimes keeping good habits is easier said than done. In fact, it’s reported that about 85% of New Year’s Resolutions fail. There are some things you can do to set yourself up for success and end up having a better chance of having your desired habit stick. Planning ahead will help set you up for success with your desired habit.

If you’re able to foresee some of your possible stumbling blocks, you can have a plan ready to fight against them. As an example, let’s say that your goal is to make it a habit to eat more fresh foods and smaller portions overall. Think about situations when doing so would be difficult and come up with a plan. For example, if you want to eat less processed foods and more fresh foods, keep less processed foods available. This way you won’t be as tempted if the foods you’re trying to stay away from aren’t in the cupboard. Similarly, if you want to be in the habit of eating more fresh foods, that’s what you should have readily available. Meal planning would make sense here too. If in the past, you like to reach for potato chips as a snack, have an alternative ready, like carrot sticks or sliced bell peppers. In order to combat the smaller portions part of the desired habit, some ways you can think ahead to success would be to use a smaller plate. Or even the plastic plates with dividers will help you keep the portions regulated.

In order to help you predict what some of the upcoming challenges might be, it may be advantageous to make a list. First, write down your desired habit. Then, think about the upcoming week. Try to put yourself in the scenarios that will likely come up, related to your goal and write them down. Are you planning to attend a party? Visitors coming into town? Are you working more or fewer hours than usual? Anything out of the ordinary might be a stumbling block unless you plan ahead. Write out a plan for the scenarios that may prove challenging for you and your new habit. Like, bringing your own food to the party. With a little forethought, you can combat some of your possible upcoming stumbling blocks and set yourself up for success in following through with your good habit.


Frequency Matters - Work on Daily Habits 

Habits are established through the repetition of a behavior every day until that behavior becomes almost automatic. The frequency of the behavior is a key component to habit formation. A new habit will form faster when the behavior is performed every single day as opposed to a few times a week. This is one of the reasons that you should start small when it comes to habit change. 

Focusing on one habit at a time will improve your chances of following through with the frequency of the habit you are trying to form. You will attain your goal of making the behavior a habit faster if the behavior is repeated daily. An example of attempting too much change at once, making it harder to change at all, might be; you try to start exercising daily, stop biting your nails and cut out sugar. The chances that you will be able to do all of these new behaviors as frequently as every day decreases, and so does the chance that you will follow through and succeed in making them a habit. Instead, it’s more effective to focus on one new habit at a time.  

Once you have decided which one behavior you want to start with, it’s important that you perform the habit every day. Putting some reminders to use will help you follow through as well. You can write notes to yourself and put them in places that will help you stay on track. You can enlist the help of friends or family to help support you or even set an alarm on your phone. Whatever it takes to perform the behavior as frequently as every day. This will help embed the behavior in your brain and ensure that it becomes a habit as fast as possible. Even after doing something every day, forming a new habit can take as long as 3 weeks. So try to stay patient and on track with your goal. If you are able to continue the behavior past the 3 month mark, it becomes more likely the habit will become a lifestyle

Remember, we all have setbacks here and there. When that happens, get right back up and start again the next day. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Just keep reaching for your goal of everyday frequency and eventually, the behavior will become a habit, possibly even a lifestyle.

Remove Temptations And Stumbling Blocks

We live in a world where you can get nearly whatever you want, almost instantly. When trying to focus on starting up a good habit, temptations can make it difficult. They seem to be everywhere and can be very easy to give in to. Although temptations can prove to be stumbling blocks for good habits, there are several things you can do to help you stay away from them.

First, establish the new behavior you want to make a habit of. Once you have decided on the desired habit, you will need to discover your possible temptations and stumbling blocks. It may be helpful to write these out. Oftentimes, by writing out obstacles and solutions we are able to wrap our brains around them easier. Temptations are personalized to you, what might be a pitfall for someone else, might be no problem for you. So, the point is to think about what will make following through with this new habit difficult for you. 

Once you’ve recognized your possible pitfalls, you can make a plan to get rid of them or try to overcome them. Getting rid of temptations might be as easy as simply not buying certain foods anymore or setting out workout clothes the night before. But, most likely there will be temptations and possible stumbling blocks that won't be so easy to get rid of. Planning for these will help you greatly in securing your success with habit formation. The company we keep tends to have an influence on our behaviors. Talking to your family and friends about your goals and explaining how they can assist you with stumbling blocks can be helpful as well. Maybe your family will help by deciding to eat better with you, eliminating junk foods at home. Or, a friend may want to cut back on overspending at restaurants too and you can enjoy a night watching movies at home. 

Temptations are a given when trying to change our habits. It’s imperative that you discover your possible pitfalls. Once these stumbling blocks are identified, planning for them is the key to combating them. No one is perfect. If you find that you have given in to whatever temptation it is that can derail your progress toward your goal, don’t give up. Tomorrow is another day to try again. Who you are as a person boils down to the things we choose to do every day. So, good habits should be something all of us strive for.

A Guide to Improving Your Habits - Part Two

The Importance Of Accountability When It Comes To Breaking Bad Habits 

If you are serious about breaking a bad habit, then you will need to embed some accountability for yourself into your plan. Accountability means holding yourself responsible for your behaviors. Being accountable for your choices and behaviors will help you truly rid yourself of the bad habit by reinforcing your commitment to change. There are several things you can do to help you hold yourself accountable. No one said it would be easy. All of these methods require vigorous self-honesty and the intention to follow through. 

You can keep a journal. Writing your behaviors down helps hold you responsible for them. You may find that having to write down your behavior may curb the undesired habit because putting it in writing makes it undeniable. Journaling will also help you track your progress toward your goal. You can even build in some rewards for yourself that will keep you motivated. 

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Enlisting the help of friends or family to hold you accountable will work too. Tell a few of the closest people to you about your commitment to change this behavior. Ask them to either call you, meet with you or text you to help keep you on track. It will help to agree on a set check-in time every day. Your accountability partners will help support you and hold you responsible for the actions you choose.

Find a support group. Support groups exist, depending on the habit you want to break. Being able to be in a group situation where everyone has the same goal as you do is comforting. It helps you know that you’re not alone in your commitment to ditching this bad habit. The group helps each other stay accountable and helps reinforce each member’s pledge to change.

Staying accountable for your behaviors is an integral part of breaking your bad habits. As mentioned, change is only possible with true commitment and honesty with yourself. Without honesty, there is no accountability. All of this requires diligence and effort. But, you will eventually find yourself in a better place because of your own hard work. You will be able to say that you improved your quality of life. It will be worth the commitment you put in.

Forgiveness Is Key For Long Term Success In Breaking Bad Habits 

No one is perfect. Everyone has some habits they’d like to improve on and that’s totally normal. Imperfection is one of the things all humans have in common. A bad habit is classified as a repeated behavior that negatively impacts one’s life. So, although we all have bad habits to some extent, when a person has too many bad habits, they aren't able to live their life to the fullest potential. On the other hand, when better habits are practiced daily, overall quality of life improves. This is why we should be regularly examining ourselves to be sure that we are living the best version of life possible.

Self-reflection is necessary to gauge your life and decide which habits are with keeping and which ones you likely should move away from. Once you decide which bad habits need to be broken in order to improve your life, the hard work begins. When habits are formed, so are new neurological pathways. When you break yourself of a bad habit, you must retrain your brain away from those formed pathways. Everyone has heard the sayings, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” or “Old habits die hard.” They are common sayings because retraining your brain to start a new habit or to stop an existing habit is not easy. 

Breaking a bad habit isn’t fast either. Some studies suggest it takes about 21 days to break a habit. So, be patient with yourself and don’t expect instant results. One of the main rules to live by when committing to change your habits is to not be too hard on yourself. Perfection should not be the goal, rather self-improvement should be. Nearly everyone slips up at some point, maybe even multiple times. When you fall off course, it's imperative that you don’t give up. It’s never too late to try again tomorrow. Remember to forgive yourself and keep moving forward.

Forgiving yourself for possible slip-ups is key in the long-term success of breaking a bad habit. It does you absolutely no good to be too hard on yourself. Sitting in your negativity is unhealthy and unproductive. When you slip, get right back up and start again. Keep focusing on your long-term goals and move on.

How Do You Go About Forming A New Habit? 

Habits are like rituals that we perform daily without having to give much thought to the behavior. Everyone has habits, good and bad. They affect our lives and contribute greatly to who we are. Starting a new habit isn’t always easy. It will take effort to make this desired behavior part of your everyday life. There are a few steps you can take that will help you form a new habit.

First, you need to set your goal by deciding on the one, and only one, new habit you want to form. Centering on just one new behavior at a time will increase your chances of success with forming the habit. If you try to change too many things about your routines at once, change becomes much less likely. Really focus on the one new habit you want to integrate into your daily life.

After deciding on the one new habit you want to have, you need to commit to sticking with it for at least a month. That means doing everything in your power to make sure you perform that specific behavior daily for thirty days. It’s been said that habit change takes hold in no less than 21 days. So, do your best to ingrain this habit into your everyday life for at least that long to ensure it sticks.

Another thing you can do to help ensure your new habit sticks is called habit stacking. It’s done by attaching the new, desired habit to an already existing one. Habit stacking makes it easier to remember to perform your new habit and helps instill it in your brain. So, say you want to start a new habit of daily mindful meditation. Try attaching meditation to the routine of brushing your teeth in the morning. After you brush your teeth, that’s always when you meditate. If you find a way to stack the new habit into an existing habit, you will have a greater chance of success. 

Anticipate possible obstacles. There will be bumps in the road when it comes to trying to form a new habit. If you’re able to identify obstacles ahead of time, you can plan ways to overcome them before they happen.

Make small goals within your larger goal and reward yourself for staying on track. Giving yourself smaller goals to achieve along the way and rewarding yourself for those achievements will help solidify the new habit you want to form.

Forming a new habit requires time and some conscious effort. If you follow some of these basic steps you can take control of your daily habits, ultimately making you a happier person. 


Changing A Habit Vs. Creating A New Habit 

If you’ve given your habits some thought and you’ve decided that you would benefit from changing a few things, you’re not alone. No one is perfect, so most people would benefit from rearranging some of their habits. You have two choices when it comes to changing your habits; you can create a new habit altogether or you can choose to change an existing habit. 

Habits are formed as a result of something called a habit loop. Within the habit loop, there are three components, the cue, the behavior, and the reward. Neurological pathways are formed as habits are formed. Habits actually change your brain. Needless to say, this takes time. Most studies show that forming a new habit takes a minimum of three weeks. Cues or triggers are the signals to the behavior that is the habit. Changing an existing habit will involve using an existing cue. For instance, you’re bored, so you find yourself mindlessly snacking. Boredom is the cue, snacking is the behavior or habit.

So which way is best, creating a new habit or changing an existing one? Both can be achieved with persistence and commitment. But arguably, changing an existing habit is easier and somewhat faster. Because forming a new habit requires the brain to form new neurological pathways which happen when behavior is consistently repeated daily, forming new habits takes longer. When you try to change an existing habit, the brain is already trained to act on that specific cue. You work with the cue that exists; you’ll just need to change the habit itself. An example of changing an existing habit is, when you are bored, instead of reaching for a mindless snack, go for a walk around the block. Boredom is the cue; you now need to change the habit that exists.

Whether you choose to change an existing habit or to create a new habit, taking a closer look at your routines and changing them where necessary is a step in the right direction. All of us could benefit from more self-analysis. If you notice that you’ve formed a habit that doesn’t enrich your life or that negatively affects you, taking steps to rewire your brain will only lead toward self-improvement. 

When It Comes To Habits, Smaller Is Better 

We’ve trained our brains for certain behaviors using repetition and what’s known as “the habit loop.” This loop involves a trigger, a behavior, and a reward. Consequently, changing an existing habit or starting a new habit is pretty difficult. One of the main components to success in doing so is to start small. Using smaller steps that you can build on, will help you avoid slip-ups and enable you to reward yourself more along the way. Both of which enable you to achieve your goal more quickly and at a higher success rate.

When it comes to habits, starting with smaller goals and using them to build up to your ultimate goal is more effective than trying to accomplish the entire goal all at once. These mini-goals should be ones that you can tackle pretty easily. With the achievements that mini-goals allow, there is less room to slip up. Slip-ups, like not following through or giving up, are decreased when you feel like you're achieving. An example of this would be, you want to make running a habit and your goal is to be able to run a 5k. It wouldn’t make sense to start out day 1 and try to run 3 miles. It would be better to start small-maybe run half a half-mile and walk the rest of the way, slowly working up to running the full 3 miles. Since the goals are smaller, they’re much less overwhelming, therefore setting you up for better overall success and fewer slip-ups.

Taking smaller steps in order to achieve your ultimate goal will give you the opportunity to reward yourself along the way. Rewards help the brain solidify habits. The more you successfully achieve these mini-goals, the more that specific habit becomes ingrained. One reward that’s easy to use is logging your accomplishments. This not only makes you feel great, it is perceived as a reward by your brain. More obvious rewards can also be used, especially when the reward refers directly to the goal. Buy yourself the new pair of running shoes you’ve been holding off on or new earbuds made for running.

Small goals are important when trying to form new and change old habits. Things such as mini-goals and use of a reward system will help you achieve your goals. Ultimately, turning the mini-goals into full-blown habits that you do every day with little effort.

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